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Updated: June 3, 2025
"Wall," sez I, in agitated axents, "don't you try to go into no such enterprise, Josiah Allen." I remembered the eppisode of the afternoon, and I sez in anxins axents, and affectionate, "Besides not lookin' well, it is dangerous, awful dangerous.
"She is composin' some poetry onto you, Josiah Allen," sez I, in tremblin' axents; for I felt that if that skeme failed, I wuz undone, for I knew I had no ingredients there to get him a extra good meal. No, I felt that my tried and true weepon wuz fur away, and this wuz my last hope. But as I thought these thoughts with almost a heatlightnin' rapidety, I see a change in his liniment.
There was goin' to be a lot of men, wimmen, and children sold in his neighborhood the next mornin', and he thought he should buy a girl, if he could find a likely one. "Sold?" says I, in curious axents. "Yes," says Sally. "They sell the inmates of the poor-house, every year, to the highest bidder, sell their labor by the year.
He towered up, he fluttered so to speak majestically, and he says in loud wild axents that must have struck terror to the soul of that mariner, "Where is the hair-comb?" And then he shook his fist in the face of that mariner, and cries out once agin, "Where is them long golden tresses? Bring 'em on this instant!
"Why the men, of course," sez he. "The men have always made the rules of the churches, and translated the Bibles, and everything else that is difficult," sez he. Sez I, in fearful dry axents, almost husky ones, "It seems to take quite a knack to know jest when the word laymen means men and when it means wimmen." "That is so," sez Josiah.
And then again I thought, and it don't seem as if I can be mistaken, I most know that I heerd Josiah Allen mutter in a low voice, "Dumb good works!" But I wouldn't want this told of, for I may be mistook. I didn't fairly ketch the words, and I spoke out agin, in dretful meanin' and harrowin' axents, and sez, "What will become of all this gospel work?"
"Sweet is true love, though given in vain, in vain; And sweet is Death, who puts an end to pain. I know not which is sweeter no, not I." There wuzn't hardly a dry eye in my head as I stood a-lookin' at Elaine. And jest at this wropped moment I heard some voices nigh me that I recognized a-sayin' in glad and joyous axents, "How do you do, Josiah Allen's Wife?"
Bub Smith wus well acquainted with the President's hired man, so he let us in without parlay. I don't believe in talkin big as a general thing. But thinks'es I, Here I be, a holdin' up the dignity of Jonesville: and here I be, on a deep, heart-searchin' errent to the Nation. So I said, in words and axents a good deal like them I have read of in "Children of the Abbey," and "Charlotte Temple,"
I felt that I had a right to question my own pardner for the good of his own soul, and my piece of mind. And I sez to him in solemn axents: "Josiah Allen, what time will you get when you are fairly started on your buzz saw, for domestic life, or social, or for religious duties?" And Josiah sez, "Dumb 'em! I guess a man is a goin' to make money when he has got a chance."
He then embarked, and with lightnin' speed wuz bore away from me, as he dissapeared down the desent, his few gray hairs waved back, and as he went over the last precipitus hill, I heard him cry out in agonizin' axents, "Samantha! Samantha!"
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