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Updated: June 3, 2025
I always knew that men wuz good and pious, but I never realized how dumb pious they wuz till to-night." "She said," sez I, in considerable dry axents not so dry as I keep by me, but pretty dry "No true man would let a woman perform any manuel labor." "Wall, he won't. There ain't no need of your liftin' your little finger in emanuel labor." "Manuel, Josiah."
But I whispered back to him in anxus axents and told him, that I guessed if funeral expenses wuz added to that 5 cents it wouldn't come so cheap, and sez I, "you wont live through many more glasses, and you'll see you wont. Why," sez I, "you are a drowndin' out your insides."
Sez she in the same sad axents, and wonderin', "Did you ever have another day in your hull life as hard as this you are a-passin' through?" "Oh, yes," sez I, "lots of'em some worse ones, and," sez I, "the day has only jest begun yet, I presume I shall have lots and lots of new things happen to me before night.
He wuz a portly, handsome man when we see him last, with red cheeks, iron-gray hair and whiskers and tall, erect figger. Now he had the look of a man who had kep' stiddy company with Death, Disgrace, Agony and Fear kep' company with 'em so long that he wuz a stranger to anybody and everybody else. He hurried away, sayin' agin in them same heart-breakin' axents: "Where is Lucia?"
I said tabs, but I meant tab, for Josiah had holt of the other with an almost frenzied grasp, and sez he, "Where will we go next, Samantha?" And I sez, "Id'no, mebby to the moon or Mars." And Blandina in trembling axents sez, "I wish I wuz safe at Mars." Her ma is old but got her faculties.
My axents wuz fairly dusty they wuz so dry. But my feelin's for Miss Flamm moistened up and melted down when I see her, when we went into the room. It didn't take us long for they are still to the tarven, and we met Josiah Allen at the door, so he went with us. Yes, Miss Flamm felt bad enough, bad enough.
And I shook my head and sez, "No, I don't want to buy no pool." But he kep' on a talkin' and a urgin', and sez, "Won't you buy a French pool, mom, you can make lots of money out of it." "A pool," sez I in dignified axents, and some stern, for I wuz weary with his importunities. "What do I want a pool for?
And Uncle Sime chimed in, "We wuz took faint both on us jest as we got to the door and had to set down, and I mistrusted I should find cousin Zekiel there," and then happenin' to remember, both at the same time, they begun to say how they went for the good of the meetin' house. Sez I in frigid axents, "Say no more!" And I turned onto my heel and walked coldly away.
"But," sez he, "I mean beer or wine or liquor of some kind." I riz right up in my shues and dignity, and glared at him. Sez he, "There is a saloon right here handy in the buildin'." Sez I in awful axents, "It is very appropriate to have it here handy!"
I felt that I had a right to question my own pardner for the good of his own soul, and my piece of mind. And I sez to him in solemn axents: "Josiah Allen, what time will you get when you are fairly started on your buzz saw, for domestic life, or social, or for religious duties?" And Josiah sez, "Dumb 'em! I guess a man is a goin' to make money when he has got a chance."
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