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Updated: June 3, 2025
You'll have to carry the responsibility of all the evil it duz, and it will be a lastin' disgrace to you and the hull Methodist meetin-house if you let it go on." Agin he sez, "Ury fixed it all right." "How did Ury fix it?" sez I, in the cold axents of woman's skorn and curiosity. "Well, Ury said, make Bardeen stop sellin' whiskey out of the cupboard, make him sell it out of the chist.
As she come up to me with mincin' steps, I sez to her in skathin' axents: "What have you done with my innocent pardner? Where is Josiah Allen? Open your guilty breast and confess." And now I'm tellin' the livin' truth, as she towered up in front on me, her breast did open and a man's face looked out on me.
And when she asked me in her sweet axents, "How I liked her lecture, and if I could see any faults in it?" I leaned up against Duty, and told her, "I liked it first-rate, but I couldn't agree with every word of it." Here Josiah Allen give me a look sharp enough to take my head clear off, if looks could behead anybody. But they can't.
I knew his motives and Selinda's feelin's, but couldn't break it up, for Selinda had always follered Elder Minkley's orders strict, that he gin her at the altar "Wives, obey your husbands." She didn't rebel outward, but she whispered to me in pitiful axents "I hate to ride that creeter oh, how I hate to!
"No," say she, "I hain't," "Wall," says I, "then what be you?" "I am a fool," says he bitterly, "a dumb fool." "Wall," says I encouragingly, "you no need to have laid on plans, and I needn't have gone off on no towers of discovery, to have found that out. But now," says I in softer axents, for I see he did indeed look agitated and melancholy, "Tell your Samantha all about it."
And right in the midst of one of these fields, all full of white daisies, the cars stopped and the conductor sung out: "Five minutes' stop at Daisy station. Five minutes to get out and pick daisies." And sez Josiah to me in gruff axents, when I asked him if he wuz goin' to get out and pick some.
"Your wife! oh no, no, you are mistaken!" Then his voice in soothin' axents, "There, set down agin, set down. I knew you'd take it so. I knew it would overcome you, but I say you are worthy on't, and you needn't never be afraid I'll throw it in your face that I am rich and you and you " Then I hearn a swish of a dress float along, quick steps acrost the piazza, a door shet, and anon Mr.
I remembered this story, but I wuzn't goin' to encourage Josiah Allen by lettin' my attention be drawed off by any anectotes nor I didn't smile oh, no I But I went right on with a hull lot of burnin' indignatin in my axents, and sez I, "Josiah Allen, can you look me in the face and say that it wuzn't money and bad men's influence that keep such men as Deacon Widrig and Simeon Lathers in the meetin' house?"
He couldn't buckle it, and that is what called forth his exclamations. And he had spread a little red shawl of mine over the top on't, and as I opened the door he wuz jest ready to embark on the bolster, he waz jest a steppin' onto it. But as he see me he paused, and I sez in low axents, "What are you a goin' to do, Josiah Allen?" "I'm a goin' to Toboggen," sez he.
I looked at him in a way that he will remember through his hull life, and sez he quick, "I shan't do nothin' of the kind unless you're willin'." "Willin'!" sez I, in heart-broken axents. "What will happen next to me?" And then indignation dried my tears before they fell and I sez, "I command you, Josiah Allen, to never speak to me on this subject agin; or think on't!" sez I fiercely.
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