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Updated: June 3, 2025
And he sez in them deep impressive axents of hisen, "You jest try it once, and see I have sot on it, and I know." Josiah wuz sent once as a delegate to the Methodist Conference, so I spozed he did know.
Jest outside the gate of Dreamland I met Bildad, and he sez, "Have you found Josiah yet?" "No," I sez in despairin' axents, "I hain't seen hide nor hair on him." And he sez, "Mebby he's gone in bathin'." "No," I sez, "He took a bath in the wash-tub the night before he come here, and he hain't a man that will wash oftener than he has to."
"Fool!" sez he in bitter axents, "you call me that when I wuz strictly actin' out what you've always ordered me to do. You've always told me to be good to females, to put myself out and make a martyr of myself if necessary for their good. But it is the last time!" sez he bitterly, "the very last time I will ever have anything to do with your sect in any way, shape or manner.
But as we went up the stairway into our room, perfectly tuckered out, both on us, I sez to him, in weary axents, "That picture wuz cheap enough, for the money, wuzn't it?" He groaned aloud. And sech is my love for that man, that the minute I heard that groan I immegetly added, "Though I hadn't no idee of buyin' it, Josiah."
But," sez he, in the same bitter axents, "you always try to break up all my efforts at high life and fashion. I presume you won't waltz to-night, nor want me to." I groaned several times in spite of myself, and sithed, "Waltz!" sez I in awful axents. "A classleader! and a grandfather! and talkin' about waltzin'!" Sez Josiah, "Men older than me waltz, and foller it up.
Wall, in the fullness of time, or a little after, for truly I wuz not in a condition to sense things much, we arrove at a street and we gladly turned our 2 frames into it, and wended our way on it, goin' at a pretty good jog. The crowd a growin' less and less and we kep a goin', and kep a goin', till Josiah sez in weary axents: "Where be you a goin', Samantha? Haint you never goin' to stop?
And when she asked me in her sweet axents, "How I liked her lecture, and if I could see any faults in it?" I leaned up against Duty, and told her, "I liked it first-rate, but I couldn't agree with every word of it." Here Josiah Allen give me a look sharp enough to take my head clear off, if looks could behead anybody. But they can't.
But he had got kinder mad and when I told him in a solemn tone, "Josiah Allen, you know you can't take any of your property with you when you die," he snapped out, "I don't know whether I can or not; it won't be as you say about it." "Well," sez I, in lofty axents and quotin' Skripter, "there is only one way you can take your property with you, and that is to send it on before you.
Sez I in real dry axents, "If I conclude to buy a dress I shall have to have as much as a dozen rins; I don't believe that I could git a handsome and durable one for less." My tone was sarcastical. The idee of buyin' a silk dress for half a cent! But I didn't lay out to buy; I wuz jest lookin' round.
They made a low bow to the Shack and then knelt round him in a circle; then they bowed agin a number of times clear to the floor and begun to sing or pray. I d'no what you would call it, but the axents wuz dretful and the music that accompanied it harrowin' in the extreme.
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