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Updated: June 25, 2025
Sez Arvilly, in a loud, mad axent, "Talk about brutal amusements, why they ort to send missionaries to America to reform us as fur up in decency as to use animals to fight fur our recreation instead of human bein's.
She wuz in one of the hospitals and doin' a good work, jest as she would anywhere she wuz put. She come to the hotel to see us as soon as she could, and Arvilly seemed to renew her age, having Waitstill with her agin. We writ to once to Cousin John Richard.
If I granted licenses for all kinds of sin for money, as our nation duz, I wouldn't talk about Papal indulgences. See how wimmen are used embruted, insulted, ground beneath the heel of lust and ruin by these same license laws." "But, Sister Arvilly," sez he, "I was reading only this morning a sermon upon how much our civilization had to do in lifting women into the high place they occupy to-day."
Why," sez Arvilly, warmin' up with her subject, "we are a nation of gamblers from Wall Street, where gamblin' is done in the name of greed, down to meetin' houses, where bed-quilts and tidies are gambled for in the name of religion. From millionaires who play the game for fortunes down to poor backwoodsmen who raffle for turkeys and hens, and children who toss pennies for marbles."
Arvilly wuz more bent on disseminatin' her books to help and instruct, and would have canvassed Michael Angelo himself for the "Twin Crimes," turning her back onto his most wonderful creations. As for Josiah, a wild goat leapin' through museums and picture galleries couldn't have been more scornful of contemporaneous judgment exceptin' when he tried to be fashionable.
Arvilly wuz dressed in black throughout; I hinted to her she ort to wear some badge in honor of the day, and she retired to her room and appeared with a bow made of black lute string ribbin and crape. I felt dretful. I sez, "Arvilly, can't you wear sunthin' more appropriate to the occasion?" Sez she, "I know what I am about," and her looks wuz such that I dassent peep about it.
If I had ears and eyes and common sense, and could save 'em and didn't, I wuz guilty of murder, and so the Lord would look at it and everybody else that knew anything." And she looked at me some as if I didn't know anything, jest because I intimated that ministers and church members didn't want to do such wickedness, but didn't think Arvilly is hash.
But Sister Arvilly Lanfear, who happened to be a-standin' in the door as they went off, she said she heard 'em out as fer as the gate a-congratilatin' themselves and the Methodist Meetin' House and the nation on the decesion, for, sez they, "Them angels hain't strong enough to set, and I've known it all the time." And Sister Sylvester Gowdy sez to me, a-rubbin' herachin' armpits
"'Im real glad that you're a-goin' to canvas on his better side, Arvilly." "Yes," sez she, "men are amiable and noble creeters when you git to understand 'em." The change in her mean and her sentiments almost made my brain reel under my slate-colored straw bunnet, and my knees fairly trembled under my frame.
But I am a good deal in hopes they will," sez I; "I am hopin' that Uncle Sam will foller my advice and the advice of other wellwishers of the human race I see signs on't." "Well," sez Arvilly, "you have fursightener specs than I have, if you can see it." And I sez, "You lay your ear to the ground, Arvilly, and you'll hear the sound of a great approachin' army.
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