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Updated: June 13, 2025
Watty Wilkins became involved in Susan, and was comparatively useless; but he laughed at the jokes, whether he saw them or not, and joined with telling effect in the choruses.
When mother had gone to bed my wife said: "Mrs. Wade has been here to-day to ask Watty and Mary to a young people's dance on Friday night." "What did you say?" "I told her I wasn't going to dress that girl up and send her out to parties to be snubbed and slighted by the other girls, as she was at the dancing school ball. She said that if I let Mary go she'd see that she had a good time.
Again Watty yelled, loud and long, and waved his flag furiously. The ship was close upon him seemed almost towering over him. He saw a sailor appear lazily at the bow with his hands in his pockets. He saw the eyes of that seaman suddenly display their whites, and his hands, with the ten fingers extended, fly upwards.
"You see," said he to Philosopher Jack, as they chanced one dark night to have a few minutes' talk together near the weather gangway, where Watty paused on his way to the caboose with a soup-tureen, "as the captain says, I've made the bed myself, so I must lie on it and I'm resolved to lie straight, and not kick."
After Reginald had been charmed a while, it would be the glass eater's turn. Which he really eat it, and the doctor says that kind always dies before they is fifty. I never knowed his right name, but what he went by was The Human Ostrich. Watty's wife was awful jealous of Mrs. Ostrich, fur she got the idea she was carrying on with Watty.
"O Ben! don't speak like that," said Watty, laying down the book, and gently taking his friend's thin hand in both of his. "You mustn't do it. It will only make you worse. When we get out of this horrible region into the trade winds and the sunshine near the Line, you'll be a new man. Come now, cheer up, Ben, and don't let your good little nurse see you with such a sad face."
At length he offered her his arm from the pew to the hackney-coach or sedan-chair which waited for her at the church-door; and, eventually, he led her to the altar in the seventy-third year of her age; when, to use his own words, he married her thirty thousand pounds, and took the old woman before the minister as a witness. Such, sir, is all I know concerning Cautious Watty.
This feller's name is Watty Sanders, and his wife is a fat lady in his own show and very good-natured when not intoxicated nor mad at Watty. She was billed on the curtains outside fur five hundred and fifty pounds, and Watty says she really does weigh nigh on to four hundred. But being a fat lady's husband ain't no bed of rosy ease at that, Watty tells the doctor.
"What for no, Watty, I wad like to ken," growled Miss Horn from the vaulted depths of her bonnet. "The like was never hard tell o'!" returned Watty, with the dismay of an orthodox undertaker, righteously jealous of all innovation. "It'll be to tell o' hencefurth," rejoined Miss Horn, who in her risen anger spoke aloud, caring nothing who heard her.
The first time was to a widow four years older than his mother, wi' whom he got ten thousand. The second time was to a maiden lady, who had been a coquette and a flirt in her day, but who, when the deep crow-feet upon her brow began to reflect sermons from her looking-glass, became a patroniser of piety and religious institutions. Watty heard o' her fortune, and o' her disposition and habits.
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