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Updated: June 12, 2025
Coggia having leased his comet to us, she will no longer be called by his name, but by my partner's. N. B. Passengers by paying double fare will be entitled to a share in all the new stars, suns, moons, comets, meteors, and magazines of thunder and lightning we may discover. Patent-medicine people will take notice that and a paint-brush along for use in the constellations, and are open to terms.
But we are living, he says to Cloete; and I suppose, says he, glaring at him with hot, dry eyes, that you won't forget to wire in the morning to your friend that we are coming in for certain. . . "Meaning the patent-medicine fellow. . . Death is death and business is business, George goes on; and look my hands are clean, he says, showing them to Cloete. Cloete thinks: He's going crazy.
Now the Toyman was forever saying funny and surprising things, but he never said anything funnier and more surprising in his life than what he told that patent-medicine man. "No, thank you, Mr. Steve Jorkins" that's just what he called him, not Dr. Pipp at all "that medicine of yours isn't magic. It wouldn't even cure a chicken of the pip."
In show windows cooks are cooking appetising dishes; damsels are combing magnificent, patent-medicine grown tresses; and in show windows are spectacles of infinite variety and without number. All for the delight without cost of a penny of those whose hearts are as a little child. There is the trim maid who folds and unfolds a Davenport couch. But hold! would you, without a thought, pass by here?
And this has its deadening effect upon the preacher's wife's taste, else she must go mad, living in a house where, say, there is a strip of worn church-aisle carpet down the hall bought at a bargain by the thrifty Aid Society a cherry-colored folding bed in the parlor along with a "golden oak" table, a home-made bookcase, four different kinds of chairs, a patent-medicine calendar on the wall and a rag carpet on the floor, with a "flowered" washbowl and pitcher on a plain deal table in the corner, confessing that, after all, it is not a parlor, but the presiding elder's bedroom when he comes to hold "quarterly meeting."
Where was the big sneering domineering face that figured so convincingly in political cartoons and patent-medicine advertisements, on cigar-boxes and electioneering posters?
But they could not. Cyrus Curtis would never be able, they said, to come out from under the load he had piled up. Where they differed from Mr. Curtis was in their lack of vision: they could not see what he saw! It has been said that Mr. Curtis banished patent-medicine advertisements from his magazine only when he could afford to do so. That is not true, as a simple incident will show.
Miss Larrabee said that Papa Bolton's livery-stable was burning up so fast that she wanted to call out the fire department, and that Mamma Bolton made her think of the patent-medicine testimonials we printed from "poor tired women." The day of the wedding the blow came.
They have an agreement which they call their "ethics," by which they will not advertise or call attention to their learning. Consequently, the lower and ignorant classes are caught by the blatant chaff of the patent-medicine venders and the quack doctors. What the word "quack" means in this sense I do not quite know; literally, it is the cry of the goose.
They had the soap company's circular from which to arrange a proper speech, and they had, what was still better, the remembrance of a certain patent-medicine vender's discourse at the Milltown Fair. His method, when once observed, could never be forgotten; nor his manner, nor his vocabulary. Emma Jane practiced it on Rebecca, and Rebecca on Emma Jane. "Can I sell you a little soap this afternoon?
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