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Updated: June 6, 2025
He was indeed "declared to be the first man of his year;" but the honour was dearly purchased at the expense of "dreadful palpitations in the heart, nights of sleeplessness and horrors, and spirits depressed to the very depths of wretchedness." In July, 1806, his laundress on coming into his room at College, saw him fallen down in a convulsive fit, bleeding and insensible.
Then, his voice suddenly soft and tender, "I reckon I is got ter learn you," he said, and he picked her up in his arms and carried her from the roadside deep into the tangled growths of the vacant yard deeper and deeper, until no sound at all came to us from them. "That was Mrs. Fulton's laundress and her husband," said Hilda. "She's been trying to copy Mrs. Fulton; but he's settled that.
The girl's lips were red, the pulse was regular and natural, and her strength and appetite like that of a person in health. The only morbid symptom was a dry cough, but without mucous rattle or any deficiency of the sound of the chest or alteration of the natural beat of the heart. The catamenia had never failed. She had been engaged as a laundress for the past two years.
Lastly, as he had not yet been seen by the laundress or her niece, he was to keep himself out of their view until his change of dress was made. It would seem a simple matter to decide on these precautions; but in my dazed, not to say distracted, state, it took so long, that I did not get out to further them until two or three in the afternoon.
But every day I pretended that I had met the little laundress and that I had spoken to her about him, so that in the end he believed me, and sent her ardent and earnest kisses. Now it happened that one morning, on my way to the boarding school, I really came across her. I accosted her without hesitation, as if I had known her for the last ten years. "Good-day, mademoiselle. Are you quite well?"
W.'s house a foul-mouthed Irish laundress who used coarse language to me concerning urination. I loathed the woman, and yet one night I dreamed that I was embracing her naked form and rolling over and over with her on the bed; and in spite of my sight of female genitals a few months before, I thought of her as having organs of my own kind and size.
And thus, to shorten this preface, when we returned at night to my parsonage at Naguadavick, there entered Mrs. Ingham, her new dumb laundress, myself, who am Mr. Frederic Ingham, and my double, who was Mr. Frederic Ingham by as good right as I.
When the laundress saw this handsome gentleman so quickly hooked, "Ah!" said she, "these ladies of the court are best at such work." Then she honoured this courtier with a profound salutation, in which was depicted the ironical respect due to those who have the great courage to die for so little.
Looks just like my old mother's washus used to on heavy days. She was a laundress out at Starch Green, she was, and hff!" "What's the matter?" I said, for the man uttered a peculiar sound. "Just a bit of a nip from that there bullet, that's all, sir. That's better now I'm by. 'Tis a bit steamy, though, eh?" "Horrible," I said; "but I say, do let Mr Frewen see to your wound.
"Bless ye an' save ye, honey sweetness, an' may yer guardian angel keep ye in close sight, the hull endurin' time!" cried the laundress, wiping her eyes with a wet towel to disguise that other moisture which had gathered in them. "An' now, be off with ye to the little Eyetalian with the high-soundin' name.
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