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Updated: June 8, 2025
"See here, boy!" says he. "Do you happen by any chance to know where that son of mine might be found at this moment?" "Mr. Robert?" says I. "Nix." "No, of course you don't!" says Old Hickory, glarin' at me. "No one around this precious asylum for undeveloped cerebellums seems to know anything they ought to. Bah!" "Yes, sir," says I. "Don't grin at me that way!" he snaps. "Get out!
"Now," said his wife, "we c'n leave the door a little open jest a crack an' you c'n look through and tell when she's in any reel danger." Sam obeyed. "Dan ain't sayin' a word," he said. "He's jest glarin' at her." "An' what's she doin'?" asked Mrs. Daniels. "She's got her arm around his shoulders. I never knew they could be such a pile of music in a gal's voice, ma!" "Sam, you was always a fool!"
This was allus like a pail o' water to the ol' man. Nothin' stung him any worse than to have her peel a couple o' layers off her edication an' chuck 'em at him. "Do you know what is apt to happen if you keep on pesterin' me?" he sez, glarin' at her. "Do you think 'at you're too big to be whipped?" She raised her eyes an' looked at him then.
If you believe me, I fell down out of dis very cheer, and when I got up, I gin one look at de winder, and thar was de red eyes glarin agin, so I fell head-foremost over de door step, tryin to get in quick, and then when I did get in, I locked de door. My soul, wasn't I skeered. I never looked no more. I seen nuff dat time."
"'Wa'al, I says, 'I don't ask no man to go agin his conscience, but it wouldn't be no very glarin' transgression on your part, would it, if I was to go up to the barn all alone by myself an' look at the hoss? I c'd see," continued Mr. Harum, "that his face kind o' brightened up at that, but he took his time to answer.
"Where's Robert?" demands Old Hickory, marchin' out of his private office and glarin' at the closed roll-top. "I expect he's takin' the afternoon off," says I, maybe grinnin' a bit. "Huh!" says the boss. "The second this week! I thought that fool regatta was over." "Yes, sir, it is," says I. "Besides, he didn't enter." "Oh!" says Mr. Ellins. "Then it isn't a case of a sixty-footer!"
Aa'd heard nowt, but there he was glarin' at us, an' showin' his great ugly fangs. "By gox, Geordie," I says to maaself, "it's a mad durg ye have to fettle." Sae I lets oot wiv a kick that would have shifted a bullock, but aal that happened was that he seemed to catch haud o' my trousers, for I felt them rip. Gox!
Cromble! won't you please advise that gen'l'man who you're talkin through; won't you advise'im during your elekant speech to settle his bill at my 'ouse tonight, Mr. Crumbles," said the lan'lord, glarin' savigely round on the peple, "because if he don't there'll be a punched 'ed to be seen at the Green Lion, where I don't want no more of this everlastin nonsens. I'LL talk through 'im!
Then he advances a step or so, points dramatic to the door, and gurgles throaty: "Will you get out?" "No," says Gilkey. "I came to see Edna. I've had no dinner either, and I'd like a bite to eat." Pulsifer stood there, not two feet from him, glarin' and puffin', and tryin' to decide what to do next; but it's no use.
"Envy!" sez Miss Tutt, "glarin', shameless envy! You don't want Ardelia to rise! You don't want her to mount that horse I spoke of; you don't want to own that you see genius in her. But you do, Josiah Allen's wife, you know you do " "No," sez I, "I don't see it. I see the sweetness of pretty girlhood, the beauty and charm of openin' life, but I don't see nothin' else, I don't, honest.
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