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Updated: May 6, 2025
Don't thry to coerce us. Continue to lay f'r us an' hope on. If ye tax us there's hardly an old bachelor in th' land that won't fling his five dollars acrost th' counter at th' tax office an' say: 'Hang th' expense." "Ye'er frind Simpson was in here awhile ago," said Mr. Dooley, "an' he was that mad." "What ailed him?" asked Mr. Hennessy. "Well," said Mr.
Whin me frind Gin'ral Merritt was ladin' a gallant charge again blank catredges, who was it ranged his noble ar-rmy iv pathrites behind him f'r to see that no wan attackted him fr'm th' sea but Aggynaldoo? He was a good man thin, a good noisy man. "Th' throuble was he didn't know whin to knock off. He didn't hear th' wurruk bell callin' him to come in fr'm playin' ball an' get down to business.
'We'll be ruined intirely if we stop till she's cured, yer leddyship! 'Niver a frind in the worrld, yer honour. 'Her mother and father, sisthers and brothers, all dead of the faver and the famine. 'Nobody left but her relations in Carrmarrthinshire, and, maybe, they're all dead and buried, yer honour's glory. 'And what'll we do wid her, poor sowl?
The frind that left thim was a giniral officer, and be the same tokin that same man swore more, an' faster, an' louder, an' deeper than any man I iver met with afore or since." While the affable chief was thus talking, Russell proceeded to array himself in the general's uniform.
If Hobson had intilligence, he'd be wurrukin' in th' post-office; an', if anny ol' hin thried to kiss him, he'd call f'r th' polis. Bein' young an' foolish, whin me frind Sampson says, 'Is there anny man here that 'll take this ol' coal barge in beyant an' sink it, an' save us th' throuble iv dhrownin' on our way home? Loot Hobson says, says he: 'Here I am, Cap, says he.
Mind ye, Jawn, I'm doin' this because ye're me frind; but, by gar, if anny wan else comes in an' asks me that question, I'll kill him, if I have to go to th' bridewell f'r it. I'm no health officer." Having delivered himself of this tirade, Mr. Dooley scrutinized Mr. McKenna sharply, and continued: "Ye've been out ilictin' some man, Jawn, an' ye needn't deny it. I seen it th' minyit ye come in.
Ah, then, it's good luck is yer portion, Rooney. Didn't I think to sit down to me supper in solitood, whin in comes like a vision the frind as was a frind indade to me and the ladies the other day. Come in, come in, sit ye down there; an' ait till yer fit to bust. Och! but it's mesilf is glad this night.
'Th' statues, with which me larned frind is no doubt familiar, though I be darned if he shows it, f'rbids th' mention iv th' days iv th' week. 'Scratch out Winsday an' substichoot four o'clock in Janooary, says th' coort.
Take ut aisy, is ut, ye say, whin all the demons in this unholy place is jumpin' on me every minut in places promiscuous till I can't tell where to turn, descendin' an' vanishin' marvelious an' onaccountable? Take ut aisy, is ut? sez I. 'Well, me frind, sez he, 'I can't help ye; that's the marvelious an' onaccountable departmint up the stairs forninst ye.
"Here's some clothes, man; for Heaven's sake put them on," said the Trader. Then the giant became conscious of his condition, and like a timid girl he hurried into the clothing. The crowd would have carried him on their shoulders, but he would have none of it. "I've only wan frind here," he said, "an' it's Pierre, an' to his shanty I go an' no other."
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