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Updated: May 14, 2025
The certainty of Katharine's engagement not only relieved her of a thousand vague fears and self-reproaches, but entirely quenched that spirit of criticism which had lately impaired her belief in Katharine. Her old faith came back to her.
She was both ashamed and proud of this latent manifestation of her individuality proud because she was inclined to rejoice in the power that it conferred. But, at times, this elation was diluted with self-reproaches, chiefly when she was with Harold, but not looking at him; then his deep, rich voice would awaken strange tremors in her being.
The Rebu knew how acutely Chebron had suffered and how he had spent the night in tears and self-reproaches, and felt that it was better to allow his present agitation to pass before arguing with him. "Are you hungry, Amuba?" he asked. "That I am, Jethro. I had nothing save a mouthful of bread since our meal here yesterday; and you will get no news out of me until I have eaten and drunk."
"You would not have me go in company with self-reproaches all day to-morrow? You must lie down here on the sofa; and sleep or not, we'll all be still for two hours. Aunt Catherine will thank me to stop talking for that length of time." I was not sleepy, but Miss Cardigan and Thorold would not be resisted.
If staid and cold-blooded virgins and matrons are not exempt from these disagreeable self-reproaches, how did it fare with Cecil Tresilyan, in whom the energy of a strong temperament was stirring like the spring-sap in a young oak-tree? Should she die conscious of the possession of such a wealth of love, with none to share or inherit it?
It was long before the search was given up as hopeless, and many hundreds of pounds were spent by Captain Bayley before he abandoned all hope of discovering, if not his daughter, at least her child. During the year which elapsed before he was forced to acknowledge that it was hopeless, Captain Bayley had suffered terribly. His self-reproaches were unceasing, and he aged many years in appearance.
This did not, in any way, lessen the number of his self-reproaches for having suffered a young man to ruin himself, when a word from him might have saved him. Edith was paying a visit to a friend one day, the daughter of a lawyer. While conversing, the friend said "Poor Jordan? Have you heard of his misfortunes?" "No! What are they?" And Edith turned pale.
The mere fact that she spoke, after that rather long blank period of speechlessness, and the cold blaze of her blue eyes that accompanied her words, effected more than the words themselves. And then, in a tempest of tears and self-reproaches, Olga repented a phase of the situation which was worse, almost, than the former one, because it couldn't be dealt with quite so summarily.
But, being still a young man, those roots not only were alive, but also had an under-the-soil vigor; they even occasionally sent to the surface sprouts that withered in the uncongenial air of his surroundings and came to nothing. Just now these sprouts were springing in the form of self-reproaches.
'Oh! why not, John repeated with returning scorn, 'why not speak free! 'I declare to you, returned Arthur, 'that I do not understand you. Look at me. Consider the trouble I have been in. Is it likely that I would wilfully add to my other self-reproaches, that of being ungrateful or treacherous to you. I do not understand you. John's incredulous face slowly softened into a face of doubt.
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