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Updated: May 29, 2025
Mullins, a very young and very much married Sergeant, whose manners were partly the result of innate depravity and partly of imperfectly digested Board School, came over the bridge, and most rudely asked Ortheris what he was doing. "Me?" said Ortheris, "Ow! I'm waiting for my C'mission. 'Seed it comin' along yit?" Mullins turned purple and passed on.
Ortheris came to the rescue with "Well, 'e won't be none the worse for bringin' liquor with 'im. We ain't a file o' Dooks. We're bloomin' Tommies, ye cantankris Hirishman; an' 'eres your very good 'ealth!" We shot all the forenoon, and killed two pariah-dogs, four green parrots, sitting, one kite by the burning-ghaut, one snake flying, one mud-turtle, and eight crows. Game was plentiful.
Now, I put ut to you, Sorr, is ten days' C. B. a fit an' a proper tratement for a man who has behaved as me? 'Well, any'ow, said Ortheris,'tweren't this 'ere Colonel's daughter, an' you was blazin' copped when you tried to wash in the Fort Ditch. 'That, said Mulvaney, finishing the champagne, 'is a shuparfluous an' impert'nint observation.
D' you remember when he went mad with the homesickness?" said Mulvaney, recalling a never-to-be-forgotten season when Ortheris waded through the deep waters of affliction and behaved abominably. "But he's talkin' bitter truth, though. Eyah! "My very worst frind from beginnin' to ind By the blood av a mouse was mesilf!"
Learoyd alone was without care, for Mulvaney dived darkly into the future, and little Ortheris feared the unknown, What befell at that interview in the lonely pay-shed by the side of the half-built embankment, only a few hundred coolies know, and their tale is a confusing one, running thus "We were at work. Three men in red coats came. They saw the Sahib Dearsley Sahib.
"Tie up your 'orse," shouted Ortheris, "an' come on, sir. We're all goin' 'ome in this 'ere bloomin' boat." From the bridge-head to the Forest Officer's bungalow is but a step. The mess-man was there, and would see that a man held my horse. Did the Sahib require aught else a peg, or beer?
'Ear!" said Ortheris, pointing the moral with a wave of his pipe, "An' this is 'im 'oo would be a bloomin' Vulmea all for the sake of Mullins an' a bloomin' button! Mullins never went after a woman in his life. Mrs. Mullins, she saw 'im one day" "Ortheris," I said, hastily, for the romances of Private Ortheris are all too daring for publication, "look at the sun. It's quarter past six!" "O Lord!
He had contrived, most artistically, to suggest that he personally hated the Sergeant, who had come into the verandah to give him a talking to for insubordination. In a weak moment the Government Advocate asked one question too many, "Beggin' your pardon, sir," Ortheris replied, "'e was callin' me a dam' impudent little lawyer." The Court shook.
An' when the war began, we chased the bold Afghan, An' we made the bloomin' Ghazi for to flee, boys O! An' we marched into Kabul, an' we tuk the Balar 'Issar An' we taught 'em to respec' the British Soldier. Barrack Room Ballad. Mulvaney, Ortheris and Learoyd are Privates in B Company of a Line Regiment, and personal friends of mine.
'O'Hara was a Divil. Though I saved him, for the honour av the rig'mint, from his death that time, I say it now. He was a Divil a long, bould, black-haired Divil. 'Which way? asked Ortheris. 'Women. 'Thin I know another. 'Not more than in reason, if you mane me, ye warped walkin '-shtick. I have been young, an' for why should I not have tuk what I cud?
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