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Updated: June 17, 2025
'What's the matter, sir? asked Mr Kenwigs, with becoming submission to the collector of water-rates. 'Making such a remark as that, sir, replied Mr Lillyvick, angrily. 'He has had punch already, has he not, sir? I consider the way in which that punch was cut off, if I may use the expression, highly disrespectful to this company; scandalous, perfectly scandalous.
'I won't be silent, returned the nurse. 'Be silent yourself, you wretch. Have you no regard for your baby? 'No! returned Mr Kenwigs. 'More shame for you, retorted the nurse. 'Ugh! you unnatural monster. 'Let him die, cried Mr Kenwigs, in the torrent of his wrath. 'Let him die! He has no expectations, no property to come into. We want no babies here, said Mr Kenwigs recklessly.
This reflection was echoed by all present, who said 'Ah! first, and 'dear me, afterwards. 'I was younger then, tittered Mrs Kenwigs. 'No, said the collector. 'Certainly not, added everybody. 'I remember my niece, said Mr Lillyvick, surveying his audience with a grave air; 'I remember her, on that very afternoon, when she first acknowledged to her mother a partiality for Kenwigs.
'Uncle, said Mrs Kenwigs, 'to think that you should have turned your back upon me and my dear children, and upon Kenwigs which is the author of their being you who was once so kind and affectionate, and who, if anybody had told us such a thing of, we should have withered with scorn like lightning you that little Lillyvick, our first and earliest boy, was named after at the very altar!
Beautiful as Mrs Kenwigs looked when she was dressed though, and so stately that you would have supposed she had a cook and housemaid at least, and nothing to do but order them about, she had a world of trouble with the preparations; more, indeed, than she, being of a delicate and genteel constitution, could have sustained, had not the pride of housewifery upheld her.
She turned her head on one side and stared intently at the long plaits of hair which trailed over the pillow her "Kenwigs" as she had dubbed them, after Charles Dickens's immortal "Miss Kenwigses," who are pictorially represented in short frocks, pantaloons, and tight plaits of hair, secured at the ends by bows of ribbon. "My Kenwigs look very thin," she said anxiously.
'Very much obliged to him, I'm sure. Your great-uncle, Lillyvick, my dears! interposed Mr Kenwigs, condescendingly explaining it to the children. 'His kindest love, resumed Nicholas; 'and to say that he had no time to write, but that he was married to Miss Petowker.
'It would have been your own fault if you had not, sir, remarked Mr Lillyvick. 'Morleena Kenwigs, cried her mother, at this crisis, much affected, 'kiss your dear uncle!
It isn't generally known, said Mr Kenwigs, dropping his voice; 'but her figure was such, at that time, that the sign of the Britannia, over in the Holloway Road, was painted from it! 'But only see what it is now, urged the married lady. 'Does SHE look like the mother of six? 'Quite ridiculous, cried the doctor. 'She looks a deal more like her own daughter, said the married lady.
Pending the utterance of these frantic cries, and the wails and lamentations of the four little girls, Mr Kenwigs rushed upstairs to the room whence the sounds proceeded; at the door of which, he encountered Nicholas, with the child in his arms, who darted out with such violence, that the anxious father was thrown down six stairs, and alighted on the nearest landing-place, before he had found time to open his mouth to ask what was the matter.
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