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Updated: May 18, 2025
Wan lost a thumb, and another the jint of a finger or two, and most o' them had two or three toes off, an' there wos wan poor fellow who lost the front half o' wan fut, an' the heel o' the other, an' two inches o' the bone was stickin' out. Sure, it's truth I'm tellin' ye, for I seed it wid me own two eyes, I did."
But, when all lyin loose as it always is, jist look at it, and see what a sight it is, all blowin about by every wind of doctrine, some away up een a most out of sight, others rollin over and over in the dirt, some split to pieces, and others so warped by the weather and cracked by the sun no two of 'em will lie so as to make a close jint.
"What'll you have?" said David to Mrs. Cullom, "dark meat? white meat?" "Anything," she replied meekly, "I'm not partic'ler. Most any part of a turkey 'll taste good, I guess." "All right," said David. "Don't care means a little o' both. I alwus know what to give Polly piece o' the second jint an' the last-thing-over-the-fence. Nice 'n rich fer scraggly folks," he remarked.
I says look at my hat if you call it a hat but the lid raises up and the rest of it goes down till it's below my chin, and then it ain't rightly a hat at all, but more like my head was shoved up through a jint o' stove-pipe. Look at it, says I such a hat for me to wear one of the wealthiest men in this town if I could git my rights. "Oh, yes, this is a wonderful govment, wonderful.
Now, my son, ee comes in at neet all slamp and downcast, an I says to 'im, 'Is there noa news yet o' the Jint Committee, John? I ses to un. 'Noa, mither, ee says, 'they're just keepin ov it on. An ee do seem so down'earted when ee sees the poor soart ov a supper as is aw I can gie un to 'is stomach. Now, I'm wun o' thoase as wants nuthin.
I calls it the `Banging-smash Polka. But I generally charge hextra for it, for it's dreadful hard on the lungs, and the trombone he gets cross when I mention it, for it nearly bu'sts the hinstrument; besides, it kicks up sich a row that it puts the French 'orn's nose out o' jint you can't 'ear a note of him.
"Yes," he says, a-leaning over it, "yes, it is my own lamented darling, my poor lost Charles William Allbright deceased," says he, for he could curl his tongue around the bulliest words in the language when he was a mind to, and lay them before you without a jint started, anywheres.
"'Since about two minnits, and the Ladys name begins with a HA, says I, looking her tendarly in the face, and conjring up hall the fassanations of my smile. "'Mr. De la Pluche, who is to make all our fortunes yours too. Mr. de la Pluche, let me present you to Captain George Silvertop, The Capting bent just one jint of his back very slitely; I retund his stare with equill hottiness.
At last she said hoarsely, "You go and bring aid. He saved aunty and me, and I cannot leave him." At this moment Aun' Sheba came running back, exclaiming: "Good Lawd forgib me dat I should leab my honey lam'! My narbes all shook out ob jint like de houses, an' my legs run away wid me, dog gone 'em! Dey's brung me back howsomeber.
"Yes," he says, a-leaning over it, "yes, it is my own lamented darling, my poor lost Charles William Allbright deceased," says he, for he could curl his tongue around the bulliest words in the language when he was a mind to, and lay them before you without a jint started, anywheres.
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