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Suppose, for instance, I, good-naturedly point out a blemish in my friend MR. PUNCH'S person, and say, MR. P. has a hump-back, and his nose and chin are more crooked than those features in the Apollo or Antinous, which we are accustomed to consider as our standards of beauty; does this argue malice on my part towards MR. PUNCH? Not in the least.
Edith was her only hope, and she wished to see her happy; Morton, or Melville Morton, as he was more generally called, stood so high in the reputation of the world, and was in every other respect such an eligible match, that she put her prejudice aside, and consoled herself with the recollection that marriage went by destiny, as was observed to her, she said, by his most sacred Majesty, Charles the Second of happy memory, when she showed him the portrait of her grand-father Fergus, third Earl of Torwood, the handsomest man of his time, and that of Countess Jane, his second lady, who had a hump-back and only one. eye.
Nuts and apple parings fly hither and thither; oranges describe perilous parabolas between the pit and the gallery; adventurous gamins make daring excursions round the upper rails; dialogues maintained across the house, and quarrels supported by means of an incredible copiousness of invective, mingle in discordant chorus with all sorts of howlings, groanings, whistlings, crowings, and yelpings, above which, in shrillest treble, rise the voices of cake and apple-sellers, and the piercing cry of the hump-back who distributes "vaudevilles at five centimes apiece."
When the genius had done speaking, he transformed himself into the shape of a man, took Hump-back by the legs, and after having set him against the wall, with his head downwards, If thou stir, said he, before the sun rises, as I have told thee already, I will take thee by the heels again, and dash thy head in a thousand pieces against the wall.
"O my lord," said hump-back, "I pray you to pardon me, if I am guilty, it is through ignorance. I did not know that this lady had a buffalo to her sweetheart: command me in anything you please, I give you my oath that I am ready to obey you." "By death," replied the genie; "if thou goest out from hence, or speakest a word till the sun rises, I will crush thy head to pieces.
After a while the bride arrived, conducted by an old matron, who came no further than the door, exhorting the bridegroom to do his duty like a man, without looking to see if it was Hump-back or another; she then locked the door, and retired. The young bride was mightily surprised, instead of Hump-back to find Bedreddin Hassan, who came up to her with the best grace in the world.
We know not the name of your father any more than you do; but only know that the sultan was going to marry your mother to one of his grooms, a hump-back fellow, but a genius lay with her. This is hard upon you, and ought to teach you to treat your school-fellows with less haughtiness than you have done hitherto.
She occupied them now, and when he raised his shaggy head at the touch on his hump-back, he murmured with joy at the sight of her flushed beauty. Had he known that the flush came from jealousy of a rival, Kara might not have been so pleased. The two conversed in Romany, since the Servian did not speak English.
Thus the sultaness finished this long train of adventures, to which the pretended death of Hump-back gave occasion; then held her peace, because day appeared; upon which her sister Dinarzade said to her, My princess, my sultaness, I am so much the more charmed with the story you just now told, because it concludes with an incident I did not expect. I verily thought Hump-back was dead.
"Carry that back to your master, Chawls," says he, "and bid him not to fail." You may be sure I stept back to him pretty quick, and gave him the card and the messinge. Master looked sattasfied with both; but suttnly not over happy; no man is the day before his marridge; much more his marridge with a hump-back, Harriss though she be.
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