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Updated: May 7, 2025
"Of course he found me as he had always done tiresome, irritating, of vulgar taste. But he, too, wanted to speak of her. And so we were drawn together.... Now ... is he my friend? I say always that he is. I say to myself: 'Andrey Vassilievitch, he is your best friend' but I am jealous. Yes, Ivan Andreievitch, I am jealous of him.
What would he do with these people? What plans had he? What purpose? What secret, selfish ambitions was he out now to secure? Markovitch was silent, drinking his tea, watching his wife, watching us all with his nervous frowning expression. I rose to go and then, when I had said farewell to every one and went towards the door, Semyonov joined me. "Well, Ivan Andreievitch," he said.
"'It doesn't matter, said another. 'There'll be plenty of bread now. "And indeed what did names matter now? I couldn't believe my eyes or my ears, Ivan Andreievitch. It looked too much like Paradise and I'd been deceived so often. So I determined to be very cautious. 'You've been taken in, Nicolai Leontievitch, many many times.
Then she begged my forgiveness for many things, because she had been harsh or cross, I don't know what things.... Oh, Ivan Andreievitch, she to beg forgiveness of me! But I held her hand closer and closer, because I knew that it was the last time that I would be able so truly to hold it. How could she not see that now everything was over everything quite everything!
Perhaps this is a ghost that you see.... What if the town has changed in the night and strange souls have slipped into our old bodies? "Isn't there a stir about the town? Is it I that pursue Nicholas, or is it my ghost that pursues myself? Is it Nicholas that I pursue? Is not Nicholas dead, and is it not my hope of release that I follow?... Don't be so sure of your ground, Ivan Andreievitch.
"Perhaps his inventions," I suggested. "Pouf! His inventions! You know better than that, Ivan Andreievitch. No, no. It is something.... He's not himself. Well, then, secondly, there's Nina. The other night did you notice anything?" "Only that she lost her temper. But she's always doing that." "No, it's more than that. She's unhappy, and I don't like the life she's leading.
All the things, all the little things the way she walked, her clothes, her smile when she was cross! Ah, she was divine when she was cross!... Ivan Andreievitch, be kind to me! Think for a moment less of your morals, less of your principles and talk to me of her! Talk to me of her!" He had drawn quite close to me; he looked like a madman I have no doubt that, at that moment, he was one.
I myself, Ivan Andreievitch, have seen a dwarf in Kiev no higher than your leg, and in our town they say there was once a whole family of dwarfs who lived in a house in the chief street in our town and sold potatoes.... I don't know.... People tell one such things. But for the rest of that tale, do you remember how it goes?"
I don't wish you any harm, and I assure you that you will suffer terribly if you stay.... By the way, Ivan Andreievitch," his voice suddenly dropped, "you haven't ever had by chance just by chance any photograph of Marie Ivanovna with you, have you? Just by chance, you know...." "No," I said shortly, "I never had one." "No of course not.
Do you think it was easy for me? I suffered, Ivan Andreievitch, the tortures of hell. I was jealous, God forgive me! How jealous! Sometimes alone in my room I would cry all night not a fine thing to do. But then how should I act? She gave him what she could never give to me. She loved him with passion for me she cared as good women care for the poor. I was foolish perhaps.
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