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Updated: June 20, 2025
Mother av Hiven! how they cried, an' the ould she-god grinnin' above thim all so scornful! The dhrink was dyin' out in me fast, an' I was thinkin' harder than the thoughts wud go through my head-thinkin' how to get out, an' all manner of nonsense as well.
I know what I mint to be at the beginnin' av my service. I've tould you time an' again, an' what I have not Dinah Shadd has. An' what am I? Oh, Mary Mother av Hiven, an ould dhrunken, untrustable baste av a privit that has seen the reg'ment change out from colonel to drummer-boy, not wanst or twice, but scores av times! Ay, scores! An' me not so near gettin' promotion as in the first!
Did ye r-read it? he says. 'I did, says I. 'What did ye think iv it? says he. 'I know, says I, 'why more people don't go to church, says I." "I see," said Mr. Hennessy, "that Dewey is a candydate f'r prisidint." "Well, sir" said Mr. Dooley, "I hope to hiven he won't get it. No rilitive iv mine iver held a pollytical job barrin' mesilf.
She's got a disease o' truth-telling when there's no need that would anguish the saints o' Hiven theirselves! "'I kin make better 'n naturaler-lookin' hats fer nothin', here at home, than they keep in N' York, she says after looking out the back window a piece. 'And who'll help yer? says I, 'and where'll yer git the posies and what all?
I've seen a man that made speeches that was set to music an' played be a silver cornet band in Ioway that hadn't been in Congress f'r a month befure he wudden't speak above a whisper or more thin an inch fr'm ye'er ear." "Do ye think Hiven sint us to th' Ph'lippeens?" Mr. Hennessy asked. "I don't know," said Mr. Dooley, "th' divvle take thim." "This man Dewey ," began Mr. Dooley.
A succession of welcoming thuds accompanied the tirade. As breath returned, I gasped out a brief account of the night. "And now," he exclaimed triumphantly, "I have news to translate ye to a sivinth hiven! Och! But it's clane cracked ye'll be when ye hear it. Now, who's appointed to trade with the buffalo hunters but y'r very self?"
If I could strike a port just right, Hiven might get me home between times in a cattle boat. "I'm that well risted now I could do good work if I had full feed, maybe till Michaelmas. Hiven rest ye, sor, but have ye ever a job o' garden work now on yer estate, sor, that would kape me until I got the bit to cross to Kathy?" As Bart hesitated, I burst forth, "Have you ever tended flowers, Larry?"
For the first five years av my service, whin I was what I wud give my sowl to be now, I tuk whatever was within my reach an' digested ut an that's more than most men can say. Dhrink I tuk, an' ut did me no harm. By the Hollow av Hiven, I cud play wid four women at wanst, an' kape them from findin' out anythin' about the other three, an' smile like a full-blown marigold through ut all.
The hectic flush was on his thin cheek, the glaze of death seemed in his eye. He reached his wan hand to Job. A lad of sixteen he was, but no more years of life were there for him. "Tim, the faither's come. Tim, me boy, confess now and get ready for hiven." The boy glanced up. Perhaps Job did look like a priest, with his smooth face and manly countenance.
Many times afterward he wished he had not; but he made up his mind, as he slunk through, with Pat's "Hiven bliss ye!" following him, that only death should prevent him from keeping his word. Just back of the office was the abandoned shaft where he had gone often to pray. Once he had sounded its sides, and suspected that it opened into the first level.
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