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Updated: June 13, 2025
"Mister," he ordered Darrin, "receive this foul sheet. Unfold it, mister. Now, mister, what depraved sheet do you hold in your hands?" "The Gridley 'Blade', sir," replied Darrin, his face crimsoning. "The what, mister?" "Pardon me, sir the Gridley 'Bazoo." "Have you seen another copy of the 'Bazoo' lately, mister?" "Yes, sir," admitted Dave, his face growing still redder. "Ah!
He saw it and still he did not die of shame!" murmured Second Class Man Jones. "Shocking depravity!" groaned Midshipman Hurlburt. "Since you have already scanned the 'Bazoo," resumed Midshipman Paulson, "you will have no difficulty in finding the page, mister, on which the editor of the 'Bazoo' sings his silly praise of you. Turn to that page, mister."
Now, the "Bazoo" has an average inclination to print very flattering remarks about the local representative at Annapolis. While the home editor always means this as pleasant service, the detection of flattering articles by any upper class man at Annapolis always means unpleasant times for the poor plebe who has been thus honored in the columns of the "Bazoo."
You are a jackass from the country where ears less'n three foot long are curiosities. You sassed that poor swatty that wanted to keep you out of this, tooting your bazoo like a man peddling soap; but now it's up to you. What are you going to do about it?" and I didn't get any answer, neither. Well, it was no use asking myself conundrums out there in the dark when time was so scarce.
Jones, and we have sent for you, thinking perhaps you can throw a little light on the matter, says the colonel, 'n' waits fur me again. "'Come on . . . get busy! I says to myself. 'You can kid along with a bunch of bums, 'n' it sounds good don't get cold feet the first time some class opens his bazoo at you! But I can't make a noise like a word, on a bet.
These he sold to savages, and also he supplied the stolid Dutch the best of everything in this particular line from a bazoo to a Stradivarius violin. When he got back to New York, he at once struck out through the wilderness to buy furs of the Indians, or better still, to interest them in bringing furs to him. He knew the value of friendship in trade as no man of the time did.
No man can be a 'abitchual reader huv the papers, Billy, vidout comin' to a bad hend." Mr. O'Fake drew from his pocket a copy of "The Daily Bazoo," and pointing at a certain paragraph, said: "Rade thot, Runty!" The queer little man stuck his fork under the tin plate and flipped it off the stove upon the floor, heedless of Mr. O'Fake's wishes.
"I reckon there ain't any call to tack ship," he said slowly; "a pair of irons'll do the rest. Jest clap them on him, hand and foot, Mr. Rolling, and then rivet him to the deck away up forrads. If he don't stow that bazoo of his, you might ram the end of a handspike in his mouth and see if he'll bite."
As Clark cannot interview himself to the extent of half a column for the Morning Bazoo without getting his goozle entangled in the skein of his own intorted argument, so the Advertiser cannot grind out an editorial of equal length without getting hoist with its own logical sequence, split from vermiform appendix to occipitofrontalis by the recoil of its own syllogisms.
It ain't been usual for me to blow my own bazoo to any extent, an' I only does it now as bein' preliminary to the statement that my game ain't no deadfall, an' is one as a respectable an' virchus female person could set in on with perfect safetytood to her reputation.
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