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Updated: May 2, 2025


Gerald knew this time, without need of repetition, that the Ugly-Wugly had said: "Knock 'em up." "You can't," Gerald explained; "they re all stone deaf every single person who keeps a hotel in this town. It's," he wildly plunged "it's a County Council law. Only deaf people are allowed to keep hotels.

"What I want to know," Gerald understood her to say, "is where are the carriages we ordered?" "I don't know," said Gerald, "but I'll find out. But we ought to be moving," he added; "you see, the performance is over, and they want to shut up the house and put the lights out. Let's be moving." "Eh ech e oo-ig," repeated the respectable Ugly-Wugly, and stepped towards the front door.

He handed the ring carefully to Jimmy, through the thick darkness. And Jimmy wished. And there they still were, in that black passage behind Flora, that had led in the case of one Ugly-Wugly at least to 'a good hotel'. And the stone door was shut. And they did not know even which way to turn to it. "If I only had some matches!" said Gerald. "Why didn't you leave me in the dream?"

His noiseless tennis-shoes bear him to the station, where, unobserved, he listens at the ticket office to the voice of That-which-was-James. "One first London," it says and Gerald, waiting till That and the Ugly-Wugly have strolled on to the platform, politely conversing of politics and the Kaffir market, takes a third return to London. The train strides in, squeaking and puffing.

"Not for ever so long," she whispered back. "It goes on for ages, and then twists round." "Whispering," said the smallest Ugly-Wugly suddenly, "ain't manners." "He hasn't any, anyhow," whispered the lady Ugly-Wugly; "don't mind him quite a self-made man," and squeezed Mabel's arm with horrible confidential flabbiness.

But you have to climb through a hole." "The ladies," the respectable Ugly-Wugly began objecting; but the ladies with one voice affirmed that they loved adventures. "So frightfully thrilling," added the one who wore roses.

"Now, think," said he "think as you never thought before how to get rid of that Ugly-Wugly." Everyone thought, but their brains were tired with anxiety and distress, and the thoughts they thought were, as Mabel said, not worth thinking, let alone saying. "I suppose Jimmy's all right," said Kathleen anxiously. "Oh, he's all right: he's got the ring," said Gerald.

"Did you?" asked Gerald blankly. "Of course," said the Ugly-Wugly. "Most respectable, exactly as you said. Then when I came away I didn't come the front way because I wanted to revisit this sylvan scene by daylight, and the hotel people didn't seem to know how to direct me to it I found the others all at this door, very angry. They'd been here all night, trying to get out.

As he went up the steps he heard them talking among themselves in that strange language of theirs, all oo's and ah's; and he thought he distinguished the voice of the respectable Ugly-Wugly saying, "Most gentlemanly lad," and the wreathed-hatted lady answering warmly: "Yes, indeed." The coloured-glass door closed behind him. Behind him was the yard, peopled by seven impossible creatures.

The children looked up into the face of the eldest of the Ugly-Wuglies, the respectable one. Jimmy and Kathleen screamed. I am sorry, but they did. "Hush!" said Gerald savagely: he was still wearing the ring. "Hold your tongues! I'll get him away," he added in a whisper. "Very sad affair this," said the respectable Ugly-Wugly.

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