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Updated: June 23, 2025
I should have thought you would have spotted right away that it was all part of a well-laid plan." "I'll get you in a jiffy," said Tuppy, recovering his balance after a swift clutch at my neck. And so probable did this seem that I delayed no longer, but hastened to place all the facts before him.
All I meant was that if she sees you push away your dinner untasted, she will realize that your heart is aching, and will probably be the first to suggest blowing the all clear." Tuppy was frowning thoughtfully. "Push my dinner away, eh?" "Yes." "Push away a dinner cooked by Anatole?" "Yes." "Push it away untasted?" "Yes."
"Keep what up?" "This rot of being engaged to Gussie." "I certainly am." "Just to make Tuppy look silly." "Do you think he looks silly?" "I do." "So he ought to." I began to get the idea that I wasn't making real headway. I remember when I won that Scripture-knowledge prize, having to go into the facts about Balaam's ass.
Tuppy Glossop was knocking off dinner to melt Angela. Gussie Fink-Nottle was knocking off dinner to impress the Bassett. Aunt Dahlia must knock off dinner to soften Uncle Tom. For the beauty of this scheme of mine was that there was no limit to the number of entrants. Come one, come all, the more the merrier, and satisfaction guaranteed in every case. "I've got it," I said.
Too often, when a chap of your acquaintance is planning to marry a girl you know, you find yourself knitting the brow a bit and chewing the lower lip dubiously, feeling that he or she, or both, should be warned while there is yet time. But I have never felt anything of this nature about Tuppy and Angela. Tuppy, when not making an ass of himself, is a soundish sort of egg.
Your aunt," said Tuppy, "is a bit above herself. I don't know all the facts of the case, but it appears that Anatole gave notice and has now consented to stay on, and also your uncle has given her a cheque for that paper of hers. I didn't get the details, but she is much braced. See you later. I must rush." To say that Bertram was now definitely nonplussed would be but to state the simple truth.
Tuppy, Angela, Gussie and the Bassett not on speaking terms, and self faced with an eight-mile ride " "Nine, I believe, sir." " a nine-mile ride, and another nine-mile ride back." "I am sorry, sir." "No good being sorry now. Where is this foul bone-shaker?" "I will bring it out, sir." He did so. I eyed it sourly. "Where's the lamp?" "I fear there is no lamp, sir." "No lamp?" "No, sir."
"This rot about me being devoted to food," said Tuppy warmly, "has got to stop. I am young and healthy and have a good appetite, but that's not the same as being devoted to food. I admire Anatole as a master of his craft, and am always willing to consider anything he may put before me, but when you say I am devoted to food " "Quite, quite.
"Turn it to the wall, if it hurts you, Tuppy," I said gently. "Eh?" "That photograph of Uncle Tom as the bandmaster." "I didn't come here to talk about photographs. I came for sympathy." "And you shall have it. What's the trouble? Worrying about Angela, I suppose? Well, have no fear. I have another well-laid plan for encompassing that young shrimp.
Somebody came in and started moving like a leopard toward the side-table and, lowering the feet, I perceived that it was Tuppy Glossop. The sight of him gave me a momentary twinge of remorse, reminding me, as it did, that in the excitement of getting Gussie fixed up I had rather forgotten about this other client. It is often that way when you're trying to run two cases at once.
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