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Updated: June 23, 2025
"That's right," said Tuppy. "Bertie has always been a great cyclist. I remember at Oxford he used to take all his clothes off on bump-supper nights and ride around the quad, singing comic songs. Jolly fast he used to go too." "Then he can go jolly fast now," said Aunt Dahlia with animation. "He can't go too fast for me.
"I don't suppose you know what au pied de la lettre means, Tuppy, but that's how I don't think you ought to take all that stuff Angela was saying just now too much." He seemed interested. "What the devil," he asked, "are you talking about?" I saw that I should have to make myself clearer. "Don't take all that guff of hers too literally, old man. You know what girls are like."
"Very good, sir." "I tell you I have everything nicely lined up. Would you care to hear what steps I have taken?" "Very much, sir." "Then listen. Tonight at dinner I have recommended Tuppy to lay off the food." "Sir?" "Tut, Jeeves, surely you can follow the idea, even though it is one that would never have occurred to yourself.
Tuppy, pungently though Angela might have argued to the contrary, isn't really fat. During the winter months you will find him constantly booting the football with merry shouts, and in the summer the tennis racket is seldom out of his hand.
As far as the eye could reach, one noted nobody but Tuppy. And in Tuppy's demeanour, as I say, there was a certain something that tended to disquiet. He looked to me very much like a man who had come to reopen that matter of my tickling Angela's ankles. However, his opening remark told me that I had been alarming myself unduly. It was of a pacific nature, and came as a great relief.
That night I saw them dining together with every indication of relish, their differences made up and the lovelight once more in their eyes. That shows you, Jeeves." "Yes, sir." "I expect precisely similar results from my Cousin Angela when I start roasting Tuppy.
When I was discussing the matter with Aunt Dahlia on my arrival, she said in a sniffy sort of way that she supposed I was going to shove my Cousin Angela into the lake and push Tuppy in to haul her out, and I let her see pretty clearly that I considered the suggestion an insult to my intelligence.
"You aren't suggesting that I should climb down?" "It would be the fine, big thing, old egg." "I wouldn't dream of climbing down." "But, Tuppy " "No. I wouldn't do it." "But you love her, don't you?" This touched the spot. He quivered noticeably, and his mouth twisted. Quite the tortured soul. "I'm not saying I don't love the little blighter," he said, obviously moved. "I love her passionately.
I should have to consult my solicitor, of course, but it would surprise me very much if an action did not lie. Be reasonable, Tuppy. Suggest another motive I could have had. Just one." "I will. Do you think I don't know? You're in love with Angela yourself." "What?" "And you knocked me in order to poison her mind against me and finally remove me from your path."
"It's bound to work. I've recommended it to Tuppy." "Young Glossop?" "In order to soften Angela." "Splendid!" "And to Gussie Fink-Nottle, who wants to make a hit with the Bassett." "Well, well, well! What a busy little brain it is." "Always working, Aunt Dahlia, always working." "You're not the chump I took you for, Bertie." "When did you ever take me for a chump?" "Oh, some time last summer.
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