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Updated: June 29, 2025
The last hundred feet was the river Gambier, over which Patching had introduced a sunrise of the most gorgeous description, at the earnest request of Wesley Tiffles. Patching explained: "In my opinion, such effects are tawdry, and detract not only from the severe simplicity, but from the UNITY which should pervade a painting of this description.
When Wesley Tiffles had spent ten thousand dollars in elegant leisure, he arrived at the noble determination to "salt down," as he called it, the remaining ten thousand dollars, in ten different savings banks. He distributed it thus, in order that the failure of one of the banks might not ruin him.
What matter?" exclaimed that gentleman, little suspecting what was to happen. "The wine the warm weather something oh! oh!" "With these inexplicable remarks, Miss Wilkeson dropped her fan, uttered a slight but sharp scream, and fell back in her chair, like a withered flower on a broken stalk. "By thunder, she has fainted!" said the excited Tiffles.
"I'm sorry, sir," replied Tiffles, inwardly laughing, "but it would take six strong men to regulate the little rascals." "Then you ought to employ six strong men, sir. It's your business to see that your patrons are not insulted." Tiffles could only smile deprecatingly.
But the coroner had been invited to dine at a Broadway restaurant, with a few political friends, at three P.M. So he concluded, after Tiffles had talked five minutes, that he knew nothing about the murder, and could throw no light on it, and told Tiffles that he was not wanted further. "And you mean to tell me, sir, that I am not to be locked up in the station house to-night," said Tiffles.
The old lady muttered an inaudible apology; and the two friends hastened to take their departure. Next morning, Mr. Wesley Tiffles, after an inexpensive breakfast at a cheap restaurant in Chatham street, set out on his mission of goodness. He was reduced to his last dollar, but felt opulent in the possession of his diamond breastpin that tower of moral strength to the borrower.
"Cheerfully," said Tiffles, replacing the gem in his shirt front, after it had been duly handled and admired. "Nobody will acknowledge that he is taken in by a diamond.
It was the whole female seminary shuddering. There was also a general movement throughout the audience as of people adjusting themselves to obtain a good sight. "These boa constrictors, so admirably delineated here," commenced Tiffles. "Where?" said the voice of a country gentleman. "I don't see any bore constructors." "Nor I." "Nor I." "Trot 'em out!" "Show 'em up!" "Produce your snakes!"
Thus it happened that the poor inventor had not toiled in vain for the child that he loved. Tiffles with that strange unselfishness sometimes found in men of his class had not thought of or desired any compensation for his services, other than the payment of all the bills incurred in the operation.
"Can I believe my eyes?" said the postmaster. "True enough, it is a 5. Confound my absent-mindedness in not puttin' down a 1." It may here be said, that similar instances of mental aberration were discovered in Mr. Persimmon's accounts toward the close of his official term. Tiffles was staggered, as he reflected that it would take sixty full tickets to pay the single item of rent.
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