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Updated: June 23, 2025
Burton descended to the parlor, more flushed, untidy and angry than one had ever before seen her. She soon encountered the gaze of her nephew Budge, and it was so full of solemnity that Mrs. Burton's anger departed in an instant. "How would you like to be carried up-stairs screamin' an' put in a lonely room, just 'cause you wanted to go riding?" asked Budge. Mrs.
I was dispinted. State arter State seseshed and it growed hotter and hotter for the undersined. Things came to a climbmacks in a small town in Alabamy, where I was premtorally ordered to haul down the Stars & Stripes. The Southern Eagle is screamin threwout this sunny land proudly and defiantly screamin, Sir!" "What's the matter with him?" sez I; "don't his vittles sit well on his stummick?"
"She has no use for him." "But the tickets, Malcolm," insisted his mother. "Well, mither, A'll confess I clean forgot them. Ye see," he hurried to say, "A was that fashed over yon Committee maitter " "Committee maitter!" exclaimed the old lady indignantly. "Did I not tell ye no to heed yon screamin' English cratur wi' his revolutionary nonsense?"
A great screamin', roarin, hissin', writhin', fightin' mass! But as they refused to be driven to safety, the keepers after heroic efforts to save 'em, give 'em a more merciful death. It took fur greater heroism to do this, for some of 'em wuz dear pets, and it wuz like slayin' their own children, and they aimed their revolvers at 'em through tearful eyes.
Ladies and gents: the well-known Surtaine Family will now put on their screamin' farce entitled 'Honesty is the Best Policy." "When you're through playing the clown " began Hal. "Straight advertising," pursued the other. "Did I really hear them sweet words in Andy Certain's voice? No! Say, somebody ring an alarm-clock on me. I can't wake up."
We drags the original Kelly away to a drug-store on the corner of the next block, where they was workin' over the kid Prof. saved it was Patsy and Kelly was crazy; but the Doc. was bringin' the kid around all right, when one of the Miss Deveres, she has to come nutty all to once say, she sounded like the parrot-house in Central Park, laughin' till you'd think she'd bust, only it sounded like she was cryin' at the same time, and screamin' out at the top of her voice, 'Oh, he looked so damned funny with his mus-tache burned off!
"Aunty took up the screamin' then, where the pig left off; but her voice warn't so good, poor thing! she was too old for that, it sounded like a cracked bell; it was loud enough, but it warn't jist so clear. She came in drippin' and cryin' and scoldin'; she hated water, and what was wus, this water made her dirtier. It ran off of her like a gutter.
I looked over that way and saw a couple o' kids waving their arms and screamin'. I ran down the hill and there was the Perfessor just a pullin' my boy Dick out o' the water. Dick's this one over here." Dick, a small boy of thirteen or so, grew red under his freckles. "The kids had been foolin' around on a raft there, an' first thing you know Dick fell in, right into deep water, over by the dam.
Now just you lie down, and think no more about it. But, oh dear, you might as well ha' talked to thunder and lightnin'. He kep' on as how he could hear Shepherd Toller screamin' and callin' for him, until I thought I should ha' gone out o' my mind. "Just then a' idea come to me. We'd got a bottle o' stuff as the doctor give him to make him sleep when the rheumatiz come on bad.
By this time I was thoroughly miserable and frightened, and this suggestion unnerved me dreadfully but I kept up an impenitent front. "To wake in 'ell," said Uncle Nicodemus, in gentle tones. "You don't want to wake in 'ell, George, burnin' and screamin' for ever, do you? You wouldn't like that?" He tried very hard to get me to "jest 'ave a look at the bake'ouse fire" before I retired.
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