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Updated: May 12, 2025
'I shall toil with all the accumulated energy of one who, up till now, has only known what work is like from hearsay. Whose is that form sitting on the steps of the bank in the morning, waiting eagerly for the place to open? It is the form of Psmith, the Worker.
"You remember that painting Sammy business?" "As if it were yesterday," said Psmith. "Which it was, pretty nearly." "He thinks I did it." "Why? Have you ever shown any talent in the painting line?" "The silly ass wanted me to confess that I'd done it. He as good as asked me to. Jawed a lot of rot about my finding it to my advantage later on if I behaved sensibly."
"I told you so," said Mike to Psmith. "Don't go," suggested Psmith. "Tell him to write." Mike got up. "All this is very trying," said Psmith. "I'm seeing nothing of you today." He turned to the small boy. "Tell Willie," he added, "that Mr. Jackson will be with him in a moment." The emissary departed. "You're all right," said Psmith encouragingly. "Just you keep on saying you're all right.
The headmaster interrupted. "Smith," he said, "I should like to see you alone for a moment. Mr. Downing, might I trouble...? Adair, Jackson." He made a motion toward the door. When he and Psmith were alone, there was silence. Psmith leaned back comfortably in his chair. The headmaster tapped nervously with his foot on the floor. "Er ... Smith." "Sir?"
He hobbled about, giggling at nothing and at peace with all the world. "It was a stirring scene," said Psmith. "The agility with which Comrade Jellicoe boosted himself down the chute was a triumph of mind over matter. He seemed to forget his ankle. It was the nearest thing to a Boneless Acrobatic Wonder that I have ever seen." "I was in a beastly funk, I can tell you." Stone gurgled.
"In Comrade Windsor's pre-dungeon days he was wont to sit where I am sitting now, while I bivouacked over there at the smaller table. On busy mornings you could hear our brains buzzing in Madison Square Garden. But wait! A thought strikes me." He called for Pugsy. "Surest t'ing you know," replied Pugsy with some fervour. "I'd take me goil to de Bronx Zoo." "Your girl?" said Psmith inquiringly.
"A fine animal," said Psmith, adjusting his eyeglass. "To which particular family of the Felis Domestica does that belong? In colour it resembles a Neapolitan ice more than anything." Mr. Jarvis's manner became unfriendly. "Say, what do youse want? That's straight ain't it? If youse want to buy a boid or a snake why don't youse say so?" "I stand corrected," said Psmith.
I must drop in from time to time and cultivate him." Mike and Adair were waiting for him outside the front door. "Well?" said Mike. "You are the limit," said Adair. "What's he done?" "Nothing. We had a very pleasant chat, and then I tore myself away." "Do you mean to say he's not going to do a thing?" "Not a thing." "Well, you're a marvel," said Adair. Psmith thanked him courteously.
"I knew there was some way out of the difficulty," said Psmith with satisfaction. "How are you getting on up at your end of the table, Comrade Windsor?" "Fine." "Any result yet?" "Not at present." "Don't give up." "Not me." "The right spirit, Comrade Win " A report like a cannon in the room below interrupted him. It was merely a revolver shot, but in the confined space it was deafening.
"I see," said Psmith with ready sympathy. "I understand. Say no more. You are unmarried. She wouldn't have you. Alas, Comrade Parker! However, thus it is! We look around us, and what do we see? A solid phalanx of the girls we have loved and lost. Tell me about her, Comrade Parker. Was it your face or your manners at which she drew the line?" Mr. Parker leaned forward with a scowl.
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