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Updated: June 25, 2025
"Do you believe," he asked, after a considerable silence, "that a feller can do more, kind of, if he's doing his own work and I mean if he thinks he's got to do two people's work for a special reason?" Freddie did not seem quite to "get" him, but Tennert answered readily, "You jolly well can! Look at Kippers wot cime 'ome fer orspital treatment arfter Verdoon. 'E lived in Chelsea.
"W-w-what were you g-g-g-oing to have for b-b-b-breakfast in your m-m-mess?" he was asking his companion in misfortune. Hang it all, a fellow of fifteen had to show somehow he wasn't afraid of dying. "Kippers," replied the Chief Stoker, recognising his part and playing up to it manfully. "I'm partial to a kipper, meself an' fat 'am. . . ."
Curtis said, in a fury. "How very kind! I would rather have roast beef than all the poulets and kippers in Christendom." Without noticing this interruption, Kelson went on writing. "You must also concentrate for one hour every morning.
It was a taste and smell that he, personally, rather liked, singularly compounded as it was, to his fancy, of cold metals and warm sooty surfaces; of the savour of kippers cooking over innumerable London grates and the aroma of mugs of beer served out over innumerable London bars; something at once acrid yet genial, suggesting sordidness and unlimited possibility.
"Child murder, sir, I reckon that is," was the tense reply. "That's on their slop ticket all right. . . . 'Kippers, I sez, skylarkin' like . . . an' 'e sinks like a stone. . . ." Among the wavetops six hundred yards away a slender, upright object turned in a wide circle and moved slowly northward. To the south a cluster of smoke spirals appeared above the horizon, growing gradually more distinct.
They sat down on the grass, and the concert was begun by Harry, who played a solo; then there was a call for a song, and Jim stood up and sang that ancient ditty, 'O dem Golden Kippers, O'. There was no shyness in the company, and Liza, almost without being asked, gave another popular comic song. Then there was more concertina playing, and another demand for a song.
But alas, in spite of all this, when I had read that speech I thought with a heavy heart that there was one more thing that I had to add to the list of the specially English things, such as kippers and cricket; I had to add the specially English kind of humbug. In France things are attacked and defended for what they are.
Kippers, for instance, and Free Trade, and front gardens, and individual liberty, and the Elizabethan drama, and hansom cabs, and cricket, and Mr. Will Crooks. Above all, there is the happy and holy custom of eating a heavy breakfast. I cannot imagine that Shakespeare began the day with rolls and coffee, like a Frenchman or a German. Surely he began with bacon or bloaters.
"I thought you never drank whiskey," Norvin said, still amazed at the extraordinary transformation in his friend. "I don't as a rule, it kippers my stomach; but it gives me the courage of a lion." Donnelly nodded with satisfaction. "Don't get pickled, but keep your nerve. Remember, I'm depending on you."
At the first bewildering "Q?" from that steely-fronted maid the ritual overpowers you and you bow before porridge, kippers, bacon and eggs, stewed fruit, marmalade, toast, more toast, more marmalade, as helpless as the rabbit before the proverbial boa except that in this case the rabbit swallows its own asphyxiator.
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