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Updated: May 9, 2025
"'Tis thankful I am, me dear, to be out av this forsaken land alive wid me hair on me head instid av on a hoop painted green wid little red arrows on th' stretched shkin inside!
I sed to myself I'd ride on to the station, instid of gettin' out a piece this side of it so as to make a short cut across to the Mouse's Hole, as I usually do.
"Ah!" broke in Mulvaney, "ye'd no chanst against the maraudin' psalm-singer. They'll take the airs an' the graces instid av the man nine times out av ten, an' they only find the blunder later the wimmen." "That's just where yo're wrong," said Learoyd, reddening under the freckled tan of his cheeks. "I was th' first wi' 'Liza, an' yo'd think that were enough.
And 'twas a good sound baby, too, an' thrived fine; an' 'fore we knew where we was, instid of a baby there was a little gel runnin' wild all over the place, climbin' trees, swannin' up hay-stacks an' up to all sorts of mischief Lord, Lord!"
'Mulvaney, said Ortheris sternly, ''tain't no time for laughin'. You've given Jock an' me more trouble than you're worth. You 'ave been absent without leave an' you'll go into cells for that; an' you 'ave come back disgustin'ly dressed an' most improper in the linin' o' that bloomin' palanquin. Instid of which you laugh. An' WE thought you was dead all the time.
Now, when I wuz a little rat, an' went to Sunday-school, they used to keep a-waggin' at me 'bout evil communication a-corruptin' o' good manners. That's what he'll do fust thing yer know, other fellers'll begin to be stingy, an' think gold dust wuz made to save instid uv to buy drinks an' play keards fur. That's what it'll come to."
Allen says 't if they have Brunhilde Susan they can just as well fuss with the cow too, so 's far as I c'n see there'll be no church Sunday, 'n' I certainly am grateful, for all the time 't I was in church last Sunday I was wishin' 't I was in the crick instid, 'n' I don't consider such thoughts upliftin'." Mrs. Lathrop slapped at a mosquito.
Why shouldn't I?" Then he added, after a pause, "But it's thim that'll be comin' to me askin' fer their time instid av me givin' it to thim, niver fear. They're not the kind that'll let ye taalk back to thim. If their work don't suit ye, it's 'give me me time. Wait till they'll be comin' round half drunk in the mornin', an' not feelin' just right.
I remember how you used to wig him without mercy at school, and try to make him go off and take me home, instid o' taggin' along after you, when that big-eyed school teacher that sung tenor'd be makin' sheep's eyes at you in school, and wantin' to walk home with you in the evenin'. I remember your slappin' Si for tellin' the folks at home about the teacher and you takin' long walks at noon out to the honeysuckle patch.
He thess glanced around unconcerned at all the people a-settin' around him, thess like ez ef they might 'a' been askin' him to a picnic instid o' him provokin' a whole school committee to wrath. Well, sir, it took that school-teacher about a half-hour to pick out the first question, an' he didn't pick it out then.
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