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Updated: June 24, 2025
But after all," I thought, "my senses have spoken, but not my heart." Thus I tried to calm myself. A few minutes later Desgenais tapped me on the shoulder. "We shall go to supper at once," said he. "You will give your arm to Marco." "Listen," I said; "I hardly know what I am experiencing.
Do you know that she confesses that another attracts her, and do you expect me, loving her as I do, to share my love? If that is the way you love, I pity you." Desgenais replied that he was not so particular. "My dear Octave," he added, "you are very young. You want many things, beautiful things, which do not exist.
In my turn I began to ask questions; I paced to and fro in my room. Although the recital of that story was insupportable, I wanted to hear it again. I tried to assume a smiling face and tranquil air, but in vain. Desgenais suddenly became silent after having shown himself to be a most virulent gossip. While I was pacing up and down my room he looked at me calmly as though I was a caged fox.
Thus talking at random, I lost my head, and an irresistible feeling of wrath began to rise within me. Finally I sat down exhausted. "My friend," said Desgenais, "do not take the thing so seriously. The solitary life you have been leading for the last two months has made you ill, I see you have need of distraction.
But here is another case: It was about ten in the evening when, after a riotous day, we repaired to Desgenais, who had left us some hours before to make his preparations. The orchestra was ready and the room filled when we arrived. Most of the dancers were girls from the theaters. As soon as we entered I plunged into the giddy whirl of the waltz.
When I reached my room I was again attacked by fever and was obliged to take to my bed. My wound had reopened and I suffered great pain. Desgenais came to see me and I told him what had happened. He listened in silence, then paced up and down the room as if undecided as to his next course. Finally he stopped before my bed and burst out laughing. "Is she your first love?" he asked. "No!"
A sort of fever seized me and I lay on my bed for fifteen days, repeating over and over the lightest words I had exchanged with her. As there is no spot on earth where one is so well known by his neighbors as at Paris, it was not long before people of my acquaintance who had seen me with Desgenais began to accuse me of being a great libertine.
I passed the entire season with Desgenais, and learned that my mistress had left France; that news left in my heart a feeling of languor which I could not overcome. At the sight of that world which surrounded and was so new to me, I experienced at first a kind of bizarre curiosity, at once sad and profound, which made me look timorously at things as does a restless horse.
There appeared before my astonished eyes a woman, very pale, carrying a bouquet in her hands to which was attached a piece of paper bearing these words: "To Octave, from his friend Desgenais." I had no sooner read these words when a flash of light came to me. I understood the meaning of this action of Desgenais in making me this Turk's gift. It was intended for a lesson in love.
With these words I pulled aside the curtain and exposed the interior of the closet. The girl was trying to conceal herself in a corner. "Go in, if you choose," I said to Desgenais; "you who call me a fool for loving a woman, see how your teaching has affected me. Do you think I passed last night under the windows of ? But that is not all," I added, "that is not all I have to say.
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