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"A Prince Albert has no swallow-tails?" I gasped wonderingly; "but it has great, long tails, surely!" "Oh, now I see," an idea flashing through my mind; "it has cock-tails, has it, mamma, and it can't swallow them, can it, mamma?" "Oh my, oh my!" screamed mother, "you are the funniest little chap to ask me questions. Go, ask pussy!"
One by one Mr. Adams tells about these medical fakes: habit-forming laxatives, head-ache powders full of acetanilid, soothing-syrups and catarrh-cures full of opium and cocaine, cock-tails subtly disguised as "bitters", "sarsaparillas", and "tonics". He shows how the fake testimonials are made up and exploited; how the confidential letters, telling the secret troubles of men and women, are collected by tens and hundreds of thousands and advertised and sold so that the victim, as he begins to lose faith in one fake, finds another at hand, fully informed as to his weakness.
Many a professional man of my acquaintance who twenty years ago was content with his tri-diurnal "whisky," ten years ago, drop by drop, began taking stronger "laudanum cock-tails," until he became what he is now an habitual opium-eater. I have tried to show what he will be.
Maggie was dazed. She could dimly perceive that something stupendous had happened. She wondered why Pete saw fit to remonstrate with the woman, pleading for forgiveness with his eyes. She thought she noted an air of submission about her leonine Pete. She was astounded. The mere boy occupied himself with cock-tails and a cigar. He was tranquilly silent for half an hour.
Montague noticed that the whole staff of the club leaped into activity whenever the Major appeared; and when he was seated at the table, he led off in this fashion "Now I want two dry Martinis. And I want them at once do you understand me? Don't stop to get me any butter plates or finger-bowls I want two cock-tails, just as quick as you can carry them!"
I at length ascended the stairs, and popped my head into the shanty, sans ceremonie, to the no small amazement of the cunning compounder of "cock-tails," and "mint julaps" who presided at the bar. It was clear that I had ascended the stairs, but how the deuce I had got down was the question.
I always tell these people some name like that, because if they got onto your right name they might use it sometime. Understand? Oh, they don't fool me much." Maggie was paying no attention, being intent upon the doors. The mere boy relapsed into a period of gloom, during which he exterminated a number of cock-tails with a determined air, as if replying defiantly to fate.
"There don't seem to be any door-mats on this boat," he said. "In every other respect she seems fitted out quite complete; all the latest magazines and enamelled bathtubs, and Chinese waiter-boys with cock-tails up their sleeves. But there ought to be a mat at the top of each of those stairways that hang over the side, otherwise some one is sure to soil the deck.
"Oh, bother with it all! Dinner at eight, in the big dining-room." "Yes. But the introductions will be made on the cafe-veranda. These people out here have gone mad over cock-tails. And look your best, Elsa. I want them to see a real American girl to-night. I'll have some roses sent up to you."
I have dropt in the social scale, but I ain't got quite so low as that, I guess, by a long chalk." "Well, you compound of Welshman and Yankee, be off and refresh yourself," returned my father, putting an extra dollar, over and above his fare, into the man's hand, "but don't consume it on your filthy fire-water cock-tails, or gin-slings, or any other kind of sling-tails.
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