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Sumtimes I ax myself "is it not a dream?" & suthin withinto me sez "it air;" but when I look at them sweet little critters and hear 'em squawk, I know it is a reality 2 realitys, I may say and I feel gay. I returnd from the Summer Campane with my unparaleld show of wax works and livin wild Beests of Pray in the early part of this munth.
"Those beests, Pump & Aldgate, once so cringing and umble, wrote me a threatnen letter because I overdrew my account three-and-sixpence: woodn't advance me five thousand on 25,000 worth of scrip; kep me waiting 2 hours when I asked to see the house; and then sent out Spout, the jewnior partner, saying they wouldn't discount my paper, and implawed me to clothes my account.
Be just & be Jenerus, espeshully to showmen, who hav allers bin aboozed sins the dase of Noah, who was the fust man to go into the Menagery bizniss, & ef the daily papers of his time air to be beleeved Noah's colleckshun of livin wild beests beet ennything ever seen sins, tho I make bold to dowt ef his snaiks was ahead of mine. Albert Edard, adoo!"
I turnd my livin wild beests of Pray loose into the streets and spilt all my wax wurks. I then Bet I cood play hoss. So I hitched myself to a Kanawl bote, there bein two other hosses hitcht on also, one behind and anuther ahead of me. The driver hollerd for us to git up, and we did. But the hosses bein onused to sich a arrangemunt begun to kick & squeal and rair up.
"Jess t'other way, ye fool! We're a going out o' the buffuler country, an' into perts where theer ain't a anymal bigger than a rat. On t'other side o' the mountings, theer ain't no beests o' any kind neery one; an' its jess theer we'll want that eer bag o' meel. Ef we don't take it along, we'll sterve for certing." "Be me sowl! I'd ruther carry the male on my showlders.
This was in the days of Old Long Sign, be4 the iron hoss was foaled. This was be4 steembotes was goin round bustin their bilers & sendin peple higher nor a kite. Them was happy days, when people was intelligent & wax figgers & livin wild beests wasn't scoffed at. "O dase of me boyhood I'm dreamin on ye now!" New York, near Fifth Avenoo Hotel, Org. 31ct.
Thare's moore infurmashun to be gut out of a well conductid noospaper price 3 sents than thare is out of ten poplar lectures at 25 or 50 dollers a pop, as the kase may be. These same peple, bare in mind, stick up their nosis at moral wax figgers & sagashus beests. Thay say these things is low.
"And those red and yellow out there?" "They are the harte beests. I wish to have male and female specimens of both, if I can." "See!" said the Major, "there is a fine flock of ostriches. We are puzzled where to begin. Come, we have surveyed the scene long enough; now forward, to change it." They rode down, and were soon within shot of the animals, and the rifles began their work.
I was actooated by one of the most Loftiest desires which can swell the human Buzzum, viz.: to giv the peeple their money's worth, by showin them Sagashus Beests, and Wax Statoots, which I venter to say air onsurpast by any other statoots anywheres.
"And that's the reason you are here!" sez I, larfin one of my silvery larfs. I thawt if he wanted to goak I'd giv him sum of my sparklin eppygrams. "Sir, you're inserlent. The plain question is, will you haul down the Star-Spangled Banner, and hist the Southern flag!" "Nary hist!" Those was my reply. "Your wax works and beests is then confisticated, & you air arrested as a Spy!"
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