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Updated: June 28, 2025
Did McKinley Iver Lose His? An' George'll wake up th' mornin' afther iliction an' he'll have a sore head an' a sorer heart, an' he'll find that th' on'y support he got was fr'm th' goold dimmycratic party, an' th' chances ar-re he caught cold fr'm goin' out without his shawl an' cudden't vote. He'll find that a man can be r- right an' be prisidint, but he can't be both at th' same time.
'Th' navy iv th' United States, he says, 'which is wan iv th' best, if not th' best, in th' wurruld, he says, 'was not, he says, 'intinded f'r sthreet fightin', he says. 'We'll stay here, he says, 'where we ar-re, he says, 'until, he says, 'we can equip th' ships with noomatic tire wheels, he says, 'an' ball bearin's, he says.
They were both getting angry with the Turk and using gestures suggestive of impending agony by way of emphasis. The Turk was growing fidgety. Maga spread her arms out as if she were embracing all the universe and called it hers. "Then if you ar-re coming to Zeitoon you choose first a 'usband. There are many 'usbands. Some 'ave lost a wife some 'ave sick wife some not yet never 'ad no wife.
Ye r-read our Shakspere so we can't undherstand it; an' we r-read ye'er aspirin' authors, Poe an' Lowell an' Ol' Sleuth th' Detective. We ar-re not onfamilyar with ye'er inthrestin' histhry. We ar-re as pr-roud as ye are iv th' achievements iv Gin'ral Shafter an' Gin'ral Coxey.
"An' there ye ar-re. Two opinions." "I see on'y wan," said Mr. Hennessy. "What do ye raaly think?" "I think," said Mr. Dooley, "if people wanted to be divoorced I'd let thim, but I'd give th' parents into th' custody iv th' childher. They'd larn thim to behave." "Hogan has been in here this afthernoon, an' I've heerd more scandal talked thin I iver thought was in the wurrld."
Hennessy. "He took it all r-right," said Mr. Dooley. "He kind o' grinned, an' says he: 'What ye say is thrue, an' it's not thrue, he says. 'If ye're in good health, an' ar-re atin' three squares a day, an' not ayether sad or very much in love with ye'er lot, but just lookin' on an' not carin' a' he said rush 'not carin' a rush, ye don't need books, he says.
No, sir, whin ye peek in th' dure to sell ye'er paper ye'll see ye'er Uncle George settin' down comfortable with his legs crossed, thrippin' up annywan that thries to pass him. Go out now an' write ye'er little item, f'r 'tis late an' all hands ar-re piped to bed, he says." "An' there ye ar-re. Well, sir, 'tis a hard year Cousin George has in store f'r him.
Be th' time th' mob has desthroyed what they see on th' way, they've f'rgot th' Cap intirely; an' he's safe f'r another day. "'Tis unforch'nit, but 'tis thrue. Th' Fr-rinch ar-re not steady ayether in their politics or their morals. That's where they get done be th' hated British.
Instead iv reproachin' Hadji with his domestic habits, wan iv th' envoys that ar-re imployed in carryin' messages fr'm th' prisidint to his fellow-citizens, proceeds to th' pretty little American village iv Sulu, where he finds Hadji settin' up on a high chair surrounded be wives. 'Tis a domestic scene that'd make Brigham Young think he was a bachelor.
"Oh, I know ye don't agree with me," said Mr. Dooley. "Nayether does th' parish priest. He's got it into his head that whin a man's marrid he's marrid, an' that's all there is to it. He puts his hand in th' grab-bag an' pulls out a blank an' he don't get his money back. "'Ill-mated couples? says he. 'Ill-mated couples? What ar-re ye talkin' about? Ar-re there anny other kinds?
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