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'I feel, as a private citizen, that so long, he says, 'as the br-right star iv liberty shines resplindent over our common counthries, with th' example iv Washin'ton in ye'er eyes, an' th' iliction comin' on, that ye must go forward an' conker or die, he says. 'An', he says, 'Willum McKinley is not th' man to put annything in ye'er way, he says.
Musin' over his fried eyesthers an' asparagus an' his champagne, he bets a polo pony again a box of golf-balls he'll be ilicted unanimous; an' all th' good citizens make a vow f'r to set th' alar-rm clock f'r half-past three on th' afthernoon iv iliction day, so's to be up in time to vote f'r th' riprisintitive iv pure gover'mint.
'Tell us what is wanted ye'ersilf or call in a journeyman who's wurrukin' card is dated this cinchry, I says. 'An' I'm r-right too, Hinnissy." "Well," said Mr. Hennessy, slowly, "those ol' la-ads was level-headed." "Thrue f'r ye," said Mr. Dooley. "But undher th' new iliction laws ye can't vote th' cimitries." The NEGRO PROBLEM "What's goin' to happen to th' naygur?" asked Mr. Hennessy.
Thin he wint out in th' next room, an' come back with a bottle iv catsup; an' he poured it on th' Schwartzmeister ballots, an' Monica et thim without winkin'. "Well, sir, we ilicted Duggan; an' what come iv it? Th' week before iliction he was in me house ivry night, an' 'twas 'Misther Dooley, this, an' 'Mr.
Did McKinley Iver Lose His? An' George'll wake up th' mornin' afther iliction an' he'll have a sore head an' a sorer heart, an' he'll find that th' on'y support he got was fr'm th' goold dimmycratic party, an' th' chances ar-re he caught cold fr'm goin' out without his shawl an' cudden't vote. He'll find that a man can be r- right an' be prisidint, but he can't be both at th' same time.
Glory be, what a relief 'twill be f'r wan iv thim to raysume permanently th' savage or fam'ly breakfast face th' mornin' afther iliction! What a raylief 'twill be to no f'r sure that th' man at th' dure bell is on'y th' gas collector an' isn't loaded with a speech iv thanks in behalf iv th' Spanish Gover'mint!
"But I don't like th' looks iv it fr'm our side iv th' house. Whiniver a dimmycrat has to go to coort to win an iliction I get suspicious. They'se something wr-rong in Kentucky, Hinnissy. We were too slow. Th' inimy got th' first cheat." "They'se wan thing that this counthry ought to be thankful f'r," said Mr.
Take my vote an' use it as ye please, says I, 'an' I'll get an hour or two exthry sleep iliction day mornin', says I. 'I've voted so often I'm tired iv it annyhow, says I. 'But, says I, 'why shud anny wan so young an' beautiful as ye want to do annything so foolish as to vote? says I. 'Ain't we intilligent enough? says she.
"Me cousin Mike," said Mr. Dooley, "niver missed an iliction. An' whin th' campaign opened, there wasn't a man on th' ticket, fr'm mayor to constable, that didn't claim him f'r a first cousin. There are different kinds iv hands from acrost th' sea. There are pothry hands an' rollin'-mill hands; but on'y wan kind has votes."
But if Molly Donahue wint to vote in a livery stable, th' first thing she'd do wud be to get a broom, sweep up th' flure, open th' windows, disinfect th' booths, take th' harness fr'm th' walls, an' hang up a pitcher iv Niagary be moonlight, chase out th' watchers an' polis, remove th' seegars, make th' judges get a shave, an' p'raps invalydate th' iliction.
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