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Updated: June 22, 2025
And it is time enough to be considered on, when the weddings over. For now you have as much work as you can turn your self to, in getting all your things in a readiness from the Tailor, Semstress, and Haberdasher. And herewith, alas, you'l find that oftentimes two or three weeks are consumed in this sort of business, with the greatest slavery imaginable.
Yet finding himself inwardly weaker of body rallies with his own distemper, in hopes that by his jesting, among his merry Companions, he may from them understand what is best, upon such occasions, to be done or avoided; and they seriously jesting say to him: O friend, wean yourself from your wife and Tobacco, and drink Chocolate, and eat knuckles of Veal, or else you'l become like one of Pharaohs lean Kine.
O Bridegroom, who can but pitty you, that you must thus toil, moil, and run up and down, and the Jeweller and you have just now mist one another; he is doubtless chatting with the Bride, and shewing of her some costly Jewels, which perhaps dislike her ne'r a whit the worse; and what she has then a mind to, you'l find work enough to disswade her from, let them cost what they will; for she'l let you take care for that.
Yet here, Pyrophilus, I must take leave to insert an Experiment, though perhaps you'l think its coming in here an Intrusion, For I confess its more proper place would have been among those Experiments, that were brought as proofs and applications of our Notions concerning the differences of Salts; but not having remembred to insert it in its fittest place, I had rather take notice of it in this, than leave it quite unmention'd: partly because it doth somewhat differ from the rest of our Experiments about Colours, in the way whereby 'tis made; and partly because the grounds upon which I devis'd it, may hint to you somewhat of the Method I use in Designing and Varying Experiments about Colours, and upon this account I shall inform you, not only What I did, but Why I did it.
Nevertheless you have great reason to be merry, for this week, 'tis hop'd there'l be a meeting to close up the match; and it is requisite, that you should go unto all the friends, that must be present at the meeting, to hear when their occasions will permit them, and what day and hour they will appoint to set upon the business, herewith you have work to traverse the City, and who knows whether you'l find half of them at home.
I have not the least prospect of ever being in a capacity of giving any more than a verbal declaration of my gratitude: so I hope you'l accept that, and believe it's with the utmost sincerity I subscribe myself, Sir, Your most obliged, most obedient humble servant, Hamlin's Coffee-house, Tuesday Morning.
Then when you'l shew the Experiment, put of it about a Spoonfull into a small Wine-glass, or any other convenient Vessel made of clear Glass, and droping in three or four drops of good Oyl of Tartar, per Deliquium; well Filtred that it may likewise be without Colour, these two Limpid Liquors will in the twinkling of an Eye turn into an Opacous mixture of a deep Orange Colour, which by keeping the Glass continually shaking in your hand, you must preserve from setling too soon to the Bottom; And when the Spectators have a little beheld this first Change, then you must presently drop in about four or five drops of Oyl of Vitriol, and continuing to shake the Glass pretty strongly, that it may the Nimbler diffuse it self, the whole Colour, if you have gone Skilfully to work, will immediately disappear, and all the Liquor in the Glass will be Clear and Colourless as before, without so much as a Sediment at the Bottom.
In English thus. Oh Sir, you are a brave, but a weak Knight, you have walkt too much in the mid-paths of the Garden, and plukt too often from the Rose-tree, if you make not use of my noble remedies, you'l have a great fit of sickness; but if you do take it, you'l be very quickly and dextrously cured; in such a manner, that like a Warriour you may both storm and take the Fortress, and triumph over it.
You'l find your stomack not only sharpned, but also curiously cleansed of all sorts of filthy and slimy humours.
Yet this is one of the least things; but stay a little, to morrow or next day the Nurse goes away. This seems to be a merriment indeed; for then you'l have an Eater, a Stroy-good, a Stuf-gut, a Spoil-all, and Prittle-pratler, less than you had before.
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