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Updated: June 5, 2025
I looked over at Ump. "What did that little girl mean?" I said. "I give it up," said he. "I don't understand women," said I. "If you did," said he, "they'd have you in a side-show." A great student of men has written somewhere about the fear that hovers at the threshold of events.
Such names are bound to raise high anticipations, and my recollections of the men to whom some of the names belong are so very humble. I sat, shrinking and timid, in a corner the girl-wife of a famous painter. I was, if I was anything at all, more of a curiosity, of a side-show, than hostess to these distinguished visitors. Mr. Gladstone seemed to me like a suppressed volcano.
"We could amuse, say, a hundred people at a time at ten cents apiece, in the side-show corner and keep them away from the other more crowded regions." "Exactly," agreed Dorothy; "and if you can think of any other side show that the people will like better than Punch and Judy, why, put it in instead."
Steadbolt had had his say on the occasion, and there had been a free fight Lady Bridget was not present, and only heard darkly of the occurrence when Steadbolt had got the worst of it in an encounter with his late employer. But all that was but a small side-show, and not likely to affect in any great measure Lady Bridget's life.
At the close of the services the good deacons would probably feel called upon to take the young man out behind the church and give him a little fatherly advice, the burthen of which would be to become an auctioneer or seek a situation as "spouter" for a snake side-show.
The stranger surveyed him for some time, huggling his head down in cowering fashion, so it seemed in the dusk. "You," he huskily ventured, "are Buck's Leviathan Circus and Menagerie; Ivory Buck, Proprietor." "And you," declared Buck, "are Brick Avery, inventor of the dancing turkey and captor of the celebrated infant anaconda side-show graft with me for eight years."
That a fellow-prisoner should be condemned to suffer such hellish torture as was inflicted was bad enough, but that it should offer a side-show to exuberant Sunday German holiday crowds we considered to be the height of our humiliation and a crown to our sufferings. I shall never forget one prisoner.
"Some country boys got in a muss with a side-show barker and they got to fighting, and some Irish railroad graders heard the row, and they rushed in with spades and picks' and clubs, and some gentleman said, 'Hey, Rheube, and the circus men came rushing out, and I came up with a tin star, and said, 'In the name of the state I command the peace, and I grabbed a circus man by the arm, and an Irishman named Gibbons said, 'to hell wid 'em, and then a box car or something struck me on the head, and I laid down, and three hundred circus men and about the same number of countrymen and railroad hands walked on me, and they fought for an hour, and when the people got me home and I woke up the circus had been gone a week, and they had buried those who died, and a whole lot were in jail, and my head didn't get down so I could get my hat on before late in the fall."
"Boys, giants side-show giants I minded to slide out of my bet if I had been overtopped, on the strength of the riddle on this paste-board.
I caught a Chinese belle coming down the Queen's Road in Hong-Kong one day, and I ran up an alley. I have seen Parisian beauties that had a coat of white veneering over them an inch thick, and out here in this country I have seen so-called cracker-jacks that ought to be doing the mountain-of-flesh act in the Ringling side-show. So there you are!"
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