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Updated: June 21, 2025
If you have Trivia, and if you have time, will you humour your niece so far as to look at it? I think there are many things in it which will please you, especially the "Patten and the Shoeblack," and the old woman hovering over her little fire in a hard winter. Pray tell me if you like it.
It is necessary for our story to say, that near the hilt of this knife was stamped the name of Lamprey, an eminent cutler in Dublin. The shoeblack was brought to trial. With a number of significant gestures, which on his audience had all the powers that Demosthenes ascribes to action, he, in a language not purely Attic, gave the following account of the affair to his judge.
For a poet and a distracted wooer the difficulties of this task were endless. My happiness, the course of my love, might be affected by a speck of mud upon my only white waistcoat! Oh, to miss the sight of her because I was wet through and bedraggled, and had not so much as five sous to give to a shoeblack for removing the least little spot of mud from my boot!
You remember the pregnant, quaint old saying, 'If a Christian man is a shoeblack, he ought to be the best shoeblack in the parish. If we call ourselves Christians, we are bound, by the very name, to live in such a fashion as that men shall have no doubt of the reality of our profession and of the depth of our fellowship with Christ. It is by our common conduct that they judge us.
How could you, Magdalen, ever leaf such a lof of a man? Shake hands vid her, Gaptain; dere, never mind de blacking!" But Miss drew back. "I never shake hands with a SHOEBLACK," said she, mighty contemptuous. "Bah! my lof, his fingers von't soil you. Don't you know he has just been VITEVASHED?" "I wish, uncle," says she, "you would not leave me with such low people." "Low, because he cleans boots?
I wish I had taken a lesson or two first. I'll get hold of a shoeblack, and make him come for a morning or two. No, he does not look like it. There he comes. Enter GER. Ger. William! Col. Yes, sir. Ger. Light the gas. Any one called? Col. G. Yes, sir. Ger. Who? Col. G. I don't know, sir. Ger. You should have asked his name. Col. G. I'm sorry I forgot, sir.
He carefully made détours to escape these, and the shoeblack boys with whom he had been held in high favour. As for the people of his own class the world is not all unkind, but it is very busy, very forgetful none remembered to seek him. He had been surrounded by associates of a sort; and he found himself quite alone.
I meant to do my duty by you, and in due time to impoverish myself by paying for your articles nearly a hundred pounds, sir. But don't expect it. I'm not going to waste my hard-earned savings upon a worthless, idle fellow. Lawyer! Pish! You're about fit for a shoeblack, sir, or a carter. You'll grow into as great an idiot as your father was before you.
Have a shot, now, Shins. James. None o' your imperence, young blackie! 'And me over the money, and I'll give it to the gen'leman. Bill. Do you see anything peticlar green in my eye, Rainbow? JAMES makes a rush. BILL gets down before him. JAMES tumbles over him. BILL blacks his face with his brush. Ha! ha! ha! Bill Shoeblack his mark! Who's blackie now?
One homely remark made at the time may, however, be cited. Lady Russell declared that her husband would not mind being 'shoeblack to Lord Aberdeen' if it would serve the country. The Aberdeen Ministry came into existence just as the year 1852 was ending.
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