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Updated: May 19, 2025
Still, when once every May I found myself, by dint of a hard saved shilling, actually within the walls of that to me enchanted palace, the Royal Academy Exhibition Oh, ye rich! who gaze round you at will upon your prints and pictures, if hunger is, as they say, a better sauce than any Ude invents, and fasting itself may become the handmaid of luxury, you should spend, as I did perforce, weeks and months shut out from every glimpse of Nature, if you would taste her beauties, even on canvas, with perfect relish and childish self-abandonment.
"I have not counted the days," she said, with momentary self-abandonment. Then she checked herself and cried, "Come, let us go to Frapesle." She called the count and the children, sent for a shawl, and when all were ready she, usually so calm and slow in all her movements, became as active as a Parisian, and we started in a body to pay a visit at Frapesle which the countess did not owe.
Her lips quivered, but they gave forth no sound; and her eyes were fastened upon his with a wildness and intensity of glare that showed the fascination, the temporary self-abandonment of her spirit. "Fear me not, Edith Forrester," he repeated, with a voice even more soothing than before: "You know me; I am no savage; I will do you no harm."
Have you never once thought of me in all the time that has passed since we last met?" I spoke as I felt fervently, passionately. She made a last effort to repel me, and yielded even as she made it. Her hand closed on mine, a low sigh fluttered on her lips. She answered with a sudden self-abandonment; she recklessly cast herself loose from the restraints which had held her up to this time.
For God's sake don't say you cannot! Give me your love! 'Anthony! It almost shocked her to see Unziar cold and cynical Unziar pleading as a man pleads for escape from death, with a terrible self-abandonment. 'Wait! Tell me this. Did you choose von Elmur? 'My we it has nothing to do with that kind of thing. 'I thought not! Then you will sacrifice yourself for an idea? You shall not!
May I say, at parting, that it is the dear object of MY hopes too?" The tears flowed fast down her cheeks. She rested one trembling hand on the table to steady herself while she gave me the other. I took it in mine I held it fast. My head drooped over it, my tears fell on it, my lips pressed it not in love; oh, not in love, at that last moment, but in the agony and the self-abandonment of despair.
"Who is it, who is it?" cried Abellino, catching hold of Kecskerey's arm. "Would you like to know?" "I should." "Then it is her husband." "This is a stupid jest," cried Abellino, quite forgetting himself; "and nobody will believe it. That woman loves somebody, loves some one with shameful self-abandonment.
It meant that I knew there was horrible misery in store for you, and that I was waiting to feast my eyes on it: that's all!" She had flung out the words with one of her quick bursts of self-abandonment, like a fevered sufferer stripping the bandage from a wound. Durham received them with a face blanching to the pallour of her own. "What misery do you mean?" he exclaimed.
He gloated over them with a beatified expression and seemed to envelop them in his pious sweetness, for he rejoiced in these last instances of self-abandonment which were preparing the means of grace. But the waltz still beat out its swinging, laughing, voluptuous measure; it was like a shrill continuation of the life of pleasure which was beating against the old house like a rising tide.
He is not one of the well-known biblical examples of heroic self-abandonment; but he did just what Moses did, and the eulogium of the Epistle to the Hebrews fits him as well as the lawgiver; for he too chose 'rather to suffer with the people of God than to enjoy pleasures for a season. So must we all, in our several ways, do, if we would have a share in building the walls of the city of God.
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