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If no arrangement had been made to 'go anywhere, it was at the Verdurins' that Swann would find the 'little nucleus' assembled, but he never appeared there except in the evenings, and would hardly ever accept their invitations to dinner, in spite of Odette's entreaties. "I could dine with you alone somewhere, if you'd rather," she suggested. "But what about Mme. Verdurin?"
In the course of their cohabitation, in Odette's mind, with the memory of those of her actions which she concealed from Swann, her other, her innocuous actions were gradually coloured, infected by these, without her being able to detect anything strange in them, without their causing any explosion in the particular region of herself in which she made them live, but when she related them to Swann, he was overwhelmed by the revelation of the duplicity to which they pointed.
If he went again to Serge Panine, if he looked out for opportunities of going to watch Olivier Metra conducting, it was for the pleasure of being initiated into every one of the ideas in Odette's mind, of feeling that he had an equal share in all her tastes.
And although Swann had never yet taken offence, at all seriously, at Odette's demonstrations of friendship for one or other of the 'faithful, he felt an exquisite pleasure on hearing her thus avow, before them all, with that calm immodesty, the fact that they saw each other regularly every evening, his privileged position in her house, and her own preference for him which it implied.
Ah! had fate but allowed him to share a single dwelling with Odette, so that in her house he should be in his own; if, when asking his servant what there would be for luncheon, it had been Odette's bill of fare that he had learned from the reply; if, when Odette wished to go for a walk, in the morning, along the Avenue du Bois-de-Boulogne, his duty as a good husband had obliged him, though he had no desire to go out, to accompany her, carrying her cloak when she was too warm; and in the evening, after dinner, if she wished to stay at home, and not to dress, if he had been forced to stay beside her, to do what she asked; then how completely would all the trivial details of Swann's life, which seemed to him now so gloomy, simply because they would, at the same time, have formed part of the life of Odette, have taken on like that lamp, that orangeade, that armchair, which had absorbed so much of his dreams, which materialised so much of his longing, a sort of superabundant sweetness and a mysterious solidity.
The little phrase was associated still, in Swann's mind, with his love for Odette. He felt clearly that this love was something to which there were no corresponding external signs, whose meaning could not be proved by any but himself; he realised, too, that Odette's qualities were not such as to justify his setting so high a value on the hours he spent in her company.
"I shall leave the Gare de Lyon at eleven fifty-eight to-morrow, and go direct to Madame Odette's in Nice," she said. "Yes. Remain there. If I want you I will let you know," answered The Sparrow. And then she descended the stairs and walked to her hotel. Next evening Hugh and The Sparrow, both dressed quite differently, left by the Riviera train-de-luxe.
It was no good, his knowing now, indeed, it was no good, as time went on, his having partly forgotten and altogether forgiven the offence whenever he repeated her words his old anguish refashioned him as he had been before Odette began to speak: ignorant, trustful; his merciless jealousy placed him once again, so that he might be effectively wounded by Odette's admission, in the position of a man who does not yet know the truth; and after several months this old story would still dumbfounder him, like a sudden revelation.
It's awful, awful!" Whiteside, thoughtful, preoccupied; Milburgh, his face twitching with fear, watched the scene curiously. "I'm beaten," said Tarling and at that moment the telephone bell rang again. He lifted the receiver and bent over the table, and Whiteside saw his eyes open in wide amazement. It was Odette's voice that greeted him. "It is I, Odette!" "Odette! Are you safe?
He would go in search of her, and, when he opened the door, on Odette's blushing countenance, as soon as she caught sight of Swann, would appear changing the curve of her lips, the look in her eyes, the moulding of her cheeks an all-absorbing smile.
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