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Updated: June 29, 2025
He said, 'Come ahead, every time: he never said, 'Go ahead, An' if all th' boys layin' out there on th' prairie in their graves c'd tell, I'm bettin' my six-shooter ag'in' what you all know about th' Rooshian langwidge that they'd say as how th' Old Man died with a sword in one hand an' a gun in th' other, a-lookin' right into th' sun.
"From the start," continued Leander, "the two Mrs. Daxes just hankered to get at each other; an’ while I, as a slave to the fair sex"—here he bowed to the fat lady and to Miss Carmichael—"hesitates to use such langwidge in their presence, the attitood of them two female wimmin shorely reminds me of a couple of unfriendly dawgs just hankerin’ to chaw each other.
"'Her breeding is disgraceful and her langwidge a disgrace to her secks' Well, I'll be hanged if she isn't a girl after a man's own heart, if she's handsome enough to dress like a lad, and has the spirit to ride and leap like one and can slap a Chaplain's face for him when he plays the impudent goat. Aren't you of my opinion, Roxholm, for all you don't laugh as loud as the rest of us?
Monkeys, they are, rigged up in brown 'olland an' red braid, wot 'ave immytated 'uman beings till they've come to talk langwidge wot we can understand, and tumble to our meanings. 'Ow do you like me dress, Walty dear? An' me 'at? That chap what passed with the red mustash said to 'is friend as I looked a bit of fair all right, and no mistake.
I have been requested to tell my story in my own langwidge, though, being no schollard, mind cannot conceive. I think my master is a brute. Do not know that he has ever attempted to poison my missus, which is too good for him, and how she ever came to marry him, heart only can tell, but believe him to be capable of any such hatrosity.
Ain't you always a-strayin' off with the Honorable? I ain't so pretty, but " "You are impertinent. Let me pass." "Oh, I'm impert'nent, am I? That means fresh, maybe. I'm a plain man and don't use frills on my langwidge. Well, when I meets a little skirt that takes my eyes there ain't no harm in lettin' her know it, is there? Maybe the Honorable could say it nicer "
What was that there heppigram as he made? 'Inebriated with the hexuberance of his own verbosity. There's langwidge for you! And he kep' it up, too, he did. He was the brightest diadem in England's crown, he was. But this Gladstone! wot's he? Show me any trade as he's benefited! Ain't he taken the British Flag to the bloomin' pawnshop? Gord love me, he oughter be 'ung, he did!
He wus an eddication in langwidge, sir, sech as 'ud per-suade a wall-eyed mule to do what he didn't want, and wa'n't goin' to do anyways. "I corralled the boys up in the yard, an' the feller got good an' goin'. He spotted Joe right off; fixed him wi' his eye an' focussed him dead centre, an' talked right at him.
"Yes, even Smallbones," shrugged Abe, sipping his whiskey. Angel Gay bolted his whiskey and laid a gentle hand firmly on Horsley's shoulder. "No," he said, "not Smallbones; not even Doc Crombie, both deadgut fellers sure. But you are the man, Abe. For elegance o' langwidge, an' flow mark you you you are a born speaker, sure. Say, I believe that rye of Rocket's was in a gin bottle.
Hank polluted the gulch with langwidge which no man had ought to keep in himself without it was fumigated. Disreppitableness oozed out through him like sweat through an ice-pitcher, an' since then he's been known as Slapjack Simms, an' has kept his head shingled smooth as a gun bar'l. He's a good miner, though; ain't none better an' square as a die." Sluicing had begun on the Midas.
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