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Updated: June 29, 2025
LÍPOCHKA. Yes, easy for you to talk; but just let me ask, what good does that do me, if you please? AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. As if you thought I wasn't sorry for you! But what can I do? Have a mite of patience, even if you have been waiting a few years. It's impossible to find a husband for you in a second; it's only cats that catch mice in a jiffy. LÍPOCHKA. What have I got to do with your cats!
I couldn't help it. BOLSHÓV. What made you start this bawling? If anybody asks you, you don't know yourself. AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. I don't know, my dear, I don't know; the fit just came over me. BOLSHÓV. That's it, just foolishness. Tears come cheap with you. AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Yes, my dear, they do! They do! I know myself that they come cheap; but how can you help it?
What use would he be? Has he any ambition to rise in the world? What do I want of his mop? FOMÍNISHNA. Not a mop, but the hair that God gave him, miss, that's it. AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. See what a rough old codger your dad is; he doesn't trim his beard; yet, somehow, you manage to kiss him. LÍPOCHKA. Dad is one thing, but my husband is another. But why do you insist, mamma?
Such a son-in-law as will respect you and, naturally, make your old age happy, aside from me you won't find, ma'am. AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. How are you going to do that, my dear? PODKHALYÚZIN. Mamma, ma'am! AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Ah, saints alive! But how can this be? AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Coming, my dear, coming! PODKHALYÚZIN. Mamma, you remember the word I said just now!
"Here," he'll say, "an uneducated little fool!" But, no, how can that be! Only, you see I haven't danced for a year and a half! LÍPOCHKA and AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA My heart told me so; before it's fairly daylight, before you've eaten God's bread, you start off dancing right away! LÍPOCHKA. Now, mamma, I've drunk my tea and eaten some curd-cakes. Look here, is this all right?
If I were to take a snack of something, I'd spoil my dinner, and if I sit still I'll go crazy. Oh, Lord, oh, Lord! AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA comes in with LÍPOCHKA, who is very much dressed up. AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Get along, get along, my darling; don't catch yourself on the sides of the doorway. Just look, Samsón Sílych, my dear lord and master, and admire how I've rigged up our daughter!
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. I see I'll have to ask Samsón Sílych for a couple of fivers for you. USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. That's all right, my jewel, I don't mind! And he has peasants, wears a norder on his neck; and as for intellect, why, he's simply a bonanza. AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. Then, Ustinya Naúmovna, you ought to have informed him that our daughter hasn't got piles of money.
Now, I've been bustling about, bustling about for you, Agraféna Kondrátyevna; trudging, trudging over the pavement, and at last I've grubbed up a suitable man: you'll gasp for joy, my jewels, for a fact. AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. At last you're talking sense! USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. A man of birth and of standing; such a grandee as you never even dreamed of.
You'll soon have to part with her, and you don't grind out one kind word; you ought, for her good, to give her a bit of good advice. You haven't a single fatherly way about you! BOLSHÓV. No, and what a pity; must be God made me that way. AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. God made you that way! What's the matter with you? It seems to me God made her, too, didn't he?
AGRAFÉNA KONDRÁTYEVNA. What're you doing! What're you doing! Recollect yourself! BOLSHÓV. Stay on your own side of the fence! This is none of your business! Well, Lipa! Here's your future husband! I ask you to love and cherish him! Sit down side by side and talk nice; and then we'll have a fine dinner and set about the wedding. LÍPOCHKA. What! Do you think I want to sit down with that booby!
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