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It transpiring, moreover, that he had looted a lot of other things here and there about the place, I was reluctantly compelled to hand the misguided blighter the mitten and go to London to ask the registry office to dig up another specimen for my approval. They sent me Jeeves. I shall always remember the morning he came.
It was a favourite saying of his that there is always a way. The first time I heard him use the expression was after the failure of a patent depilatory which he promoted." "Jeeves," I said, "what on earth are you talking about?" "I mentioned Mr. Thistleton, sir, because his was in some respects a parallel case to the present one. His depilatory failed, but he did not despair.
I could have sobbed into the bacon and eggs. That there wasn't any sympathy to be got out of Jeeves was what put the lid on it. For a moment I almost weakened and told him to destroy the hat and tie if he didn't like them, but I pulled myself together again. I was dashed if I was going to let Jeeves treat me like a bally one-man chain-gang!
Presently I was moving sombrely off through the darkness, Jeeves at my side, Aunt Dahlia calling after me something about trying to imagine myself the man who brought the good news from Ghent to Aix. The first I had heard of the chap. "So, Jeeves," I said, as we reached the shed, and my voice was cold and bitter, "this is what your great scheme has accomplished!
"Anything in the papers?" "Some slight friction threatening in the Balkans, sir. Otherwise, nothing." "I say, Jeeves, a man I met at the club last night told me to put my shirt on Privateer for the two o'clock race this afternoon. How about it?" "I should not advocate it, sir. The stable is not sanguine." That was enough for me. Jeeves knows. How, I couldn't say, but he knows.
Wasn't there something in what Jeeves had said about her character? I began to realise that my ideal wife was something quite different, something a lot more clinging and drooping and prattling, and what not. I had got as far as this in thinking the thing out when that "Types of Ethical Theory" caught my eye.
"You want to work it so that he makes Miss Singer's acquaintance without knowing that you know her. Then you come along " "But how can I work it that way?" I saw his point. That was the catch. "There's only one thing to do," I said. "What's that?" "Leave it to Jeeves." And I rang the bell. "Sir?" said Jeeves, kind of manifesting himself.
But she will insist that she's a hopeless invalid, so he has to agree with her. She's got a fixed idea that the trip to New York would kill her; so, though it's been her ambition all her life to come here, she stays where she is." "Rather like the chappie whose heart was 'in the Highlands a-chasing of the deer, Jeeves?" "The cases are in some respects parallel, sir." "Carry on, Rocky, dear boy."
But before proceeding further, there was one thing that had got to be understood between us, and understood clearly. "Jeeves," I said, "a word with you." "Sir?" "I am up against it a bit, Jeeves." "I am sorry to hear that, sir. Can I be of any assistance?" "Quite possibly you can, if you have not lost your grip. Tell me frankly, Jeeves, are you in pretty good shape mentally?" "Yes, sir."
I followed him with bulging eyes as he tottered off into the dark. "Jeeves," I said, and I am free to admit that in my emotion I bleated like a lamb drawing itself to the attention of the parent sheep, "what the dickens is all this?" "Mr. Fink-Nottle is not quite himself, sir. He has passed through a trying experience." I endeavoured to put together a brief synopsis of previous events.
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