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Updated: June 14, 2025
Oh, a very thriving Calling, Sir, and I have a young Wife to practise with. I know your Rogues. Sir Cau. A young Wife! 'tis so, his Gentlewoman has been at Hot-Cockles without her Husband, and he's Horn-mad upon't. Sir Feeb. I grant it, Sir but to the business, Sir, I came for. Sir Cau. With all my Soul Enter Bredwel and Gayman at the door. Bredwel sees them, and puts Gayman back again. Bred.
Despair till now did my wild Heart invade, But pitying Love has the rough Storm allay'd. SCENE III. Sir Cautious his Garden. Enter two Porters and Rag, bearing Gayman in a Chest; set it down, he comes forth with a Dark-lanthorn. Gay.
Had I but kept my Sacred Vows to Gayman, How happy had I been how prosperous he! Whilst now I languish in a loath'd embrace, Pine out my Life with Age Consumptions, Coughs. But dost thou fear that Gayman is declining? Bred. You are my Lady, and the best of Mistresses Therefore I would not grieve you, for I know You love this best but most unhappy Man. L. Ful. You shall not grieve me prithee on.
I am convinc'd last night I was with Julia. Oh Sot, insensible and dull! Enter softly Sir Cautious. Sir Cau. So, the Candle's out give me your hand. SCENE V. Changes to a Bed-chamber. Lady Fulbank suppos'd in Bed. Enter Sir Cautious and Gayman by dark. Sir Cau. L. Ful. Where shou'd I be in Bed; what, are you by dark? Sir Cau. Ay, the Candle went out by Chance.
As the niggardly Sir Cautious bewails his losses the victor offers to stake three hundred pounds against a night with Julia, the bargain, of course, being kept from the lady. After some rumination Sir Cautious accepts and Gayman wins the throw.
The longing Bridegroom hastens to his Bed; Whilst she with all the languishment of Love, And sad Despair, casts her fair Eyes on me, Which silently implore, I would deliver her. To this and bear Leticia off by force. But see she comes Enter Lady Fulbank, Sir Cautious, Sir Feeble, Leticia, Bearjest, Noisey, Gayman. Exit Bellmour. Sir Feeb. Lights there, Ralph. And my Lady's Coach there Bea.
Enter Lady Fulbank, Gayman fine, gently pulling her back by the hand; and Ralph meets 'em. L. Ful. How now, Ralph Let your Lady know I am come to wait on her. Gay. Oh, why this needless Visit Your Husband's safe, at least till Evening safe. Why will you not go back, And give me one soft hour, though to torment me? L. Ful. You are at leisure now, I thank you, Sir.
Enter Gayman like a Ghost, with a Torch. Sir Cau. Oh Lord, oh Lord! Gay. Sir Feeb. Gay. Thou call'st in vain, fond Wretch for I am Bellmour, Whom first thou robb'st of Fame and Life, And then what dearer was, his Wife. Sir Cau. Oh Lord oh Lord! Enter L. Fulbank in an undress, and Pert undrest. L. Ful. Heavens, what noise is this? Sir Feeb. Stay, Madam, stay 'tis I, a poor trembling Mortal.
Go home and sleep, Sir Ad, and ye keep your Wife waking to so little purpose, you'll go near to be haunted with a Vision of Horns. Sir Feeb. Enter Bredwel to the Door in a white Sheet like a Ghost, speaking to Gayman who stands within. Bred.
Gayman now visits Lady Fulbank and gives her some account of his adventures with the she-devil, all of which he half jestingly ascribes to magic. Sir Cautious and various guests enter, dice are produced and, luck favouring the gallant, Gayman wins one hundred pounds from the old Banker, and a like sum from several others of the company.
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