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Updated: May 27, 2025
"Why," says Josiah, in the same hilarious axent, and the same scorfin' look onto him, "Philander says he never felt so worked up about any thing in his life, as he did when he unlocked the barn-door to-night, and found Elburtus there. He said he felt as if he should sink, for he wus so afraid that some evil-minded person might say he done it a purpose.
And I sez, "I don't believe that is such a awful hard job to tackle." "Yes, indeed, it is," sez Josiah in his most skairful axent, "yes, it is." And he shook his head meenin'ly and impressively, and looked at me and Submit in as mysterius and strange a way, es I have ever been looked at in my life, and I have had dretful curius looks cast onto me, from first to last.
In the meantime it had gripped holt of my hand with fervor. I drawed back and sez, "Sir!" "Oh, no, you are Josiah Allen's wife; I am Dr. Mary Walker." "Oh!" sez I in a relieved axent, as I returned the warm grasp of her hand, "I am glad to meet you, Mary." She's done some good things in her life, takin' care of poor wounded soldiers, etc., and I honored her for 'em.
"No," sez Josiah, who had come in and wuz a standin' by the side of me, as I spoke out to myself unbeknown to me sez he in a proud axent "No, they hain't mourners, they are Happyfiers; they are Highlariers; they have come to our party. We are givin' a party, Samantha. We are havin' a diamond weddin' here for Lodema." "A diamond weddin'!" I repeated mechanically.
That is," says I reasonably, "if he knows as much, and is as good a calculator as she is. I love justice, I almost worship it." Agin he sithed; and says he, "Modern history don't seem to encourage the skeme." But his axent was weak, weak as a cat. He knew better.
"That makes my share let me see two thousand three hundred and fifty; which I'll thank you to fork out." "Upon my word why Mr. Blewitt," says master, "I don't really understand what you mean." "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT I MEAN!" says Blewitt, in an axent such as I never before heard. "You don't know what I mean! Did you not promise me that we were to go shares?
"Saint Josiah!" sez I, and my axent wuz that icy cold that he shivered imperceptibly and added hastily, "Well, we will leave that to the future to decide." "But," sez he firmly, spruntin' up agin, "if the nation calls on me to name myself thus I shall respond, and expose myself at my Exposition as Saint Josiah." Sez I anxiously, "I wouldn't expose myself too much, Josiah.
For as she sez to me once, when we wuz talkin' it over, how everything had happened to her. "Yes," sez she, with a axent like bone-set and vinegar, "and what few things hain't happened to me has happened to my folks." And sure enough I couldn't dispute her. Trouble and wrongs and sufferin's seemed to be epidemic in the race of Pester wimmen.
"Wall," sez he, "you'll see five hundred folks a-standin' round and praisin' up them seed picters where there is one that gits carried away as you do over Wattses 'Love and Death' and Elihu Vedder's dum picters." "Wall," sez I, in a tired-out axent, "that don't prove anything, Josiah Allen. The multitude chose Barrabus to the Divine One.
They know at the most it is only talk, wimmen hain't got it in their power to do anything. And I s'pose they reason on it in this way a little wind storm is soon over, it relieves old Natur and don't hurt anything. Yes, my pardner's face wuz as calm as the figger on the outside of the almanac a-holdin' the bottle, and his axent wuz mildly wonderin' and gently sarcestickle.
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