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Updated: May 27, 2025
Sez I, "I don't want 'em wasted, and I want the wickedness to be stopped. "And then to insist on marryin' so many wimmen. I'd love to labor with him, and convince him that one's enough." "It seems to me," sez Josiah, "that I could make him know that one's enough. It seems as if any married man might. Heaven knows, it seems so!" sez he. I didn't like his axent.
"He that is not for me is against me," sez Arvilly. Sez the Elder in a dogmatic axent, real doggy it wuz, "I say again, the saloon is the Poor Man's Club." And I sez dreamily, "Talkin' of a club as a club, a club in the hands of a drunken man, strikin' at and destroyin' all the safety and happiness of a home, yes," sez I, "it is such a club."
"Yes," sez I, in a very dry axent, most as dry as my flat-iron, and that wuz fairly hissin' hot. "She most probable had some man to advise her, and to tell her what use the mit would be to support a big meetin' house." Oh, how dry my axent wuz. It wuz the very dryest, and most irony one I keep by me and I keep dretful ironikle ones to use in cases of necessity.
"I asked Joel once on a visit there, when she had been so collected together and monotonous in aspect, and talked with such oneven and sweetness of tone that I got dead tired on't myself, and felt that I had been lookin' on a sunbaked prairie for months, and would have been glad enough to had her got up a change of liniment some way, and a change of axent higher or lower, I sez to Cousin Joel.
Sez I, in a very dry axent, "Then the word man, when it is used in church matters, always means wimmen, so fur as scrubbin' is concerned, and drowdgin' round?" "Yes," sez Josiah haughtily, "And it always means men in the higher and more difficult matters of decidin' questions, drawin' sallerys, settin' on Conferences, etc. It has long been settled to be so," sez he. "Who settled it?" sez I.
"Wall, you see, Cicely," says Josiah in a soft tone, his love for her softenin' and smoothin' out his axent till it sounded almost foolish and meachin', "you see, it would be dangerous for wimmen to vote, because votin' would be apt to lower wimmen in the opinion of us men and the public generally. In fact, it would be apt to lower wimmen down to mingle in a lower class.
Yes, my pardner's face wuz as calm as the figger on the outside of the almanac a-holdin' the bottle, and his axent wuz mildly wonderin' and gently sarcestickle. "How a steeple would look a-pintin' down! That is a true woman's idee."
I can see how it wuz with that Piece Commission and make allowances for 'em, but we didn't have a thing to do with it and we don't want any of the pieces." My axent carried conviction with it; I see she looked relieved. She didn't say it right out, but I felt that we hadn't fell in her estimation, and I went on: "And I don't want you to blame Uncle Sam either, Si Ann.
And I sez, "I don't believe that is such a awful hard job to tackle." "Yes, indeed, it is," sez Josiah in his most skairful axent, "yes, it is." And he shook his head meenin'ly and impressively, and looked at me and Submit in as mysterius and strange a way, es I have ever been looked at in my life, and I have had dretful curius looks cast onto me, from first to last.
His axent wuz extremely hopeless and pitiful. He felt a good deal as I did in the matter, but it is a man's nater to be more impatient and not bear the yoke so well as wimmen do. Wimmen are more used to galdin' things than men be; I don't blame Josiah. I wuz glad enough to see in Vienna the stately monument to Maria Theresa, Empress of Austria Hungary.
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