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'I was brought up to be a good girl, and I have suffered oh Paul, dear, I have suffered! Promise me. Here were depths he had not looked for or suspected, and he thought within himself how blind he had been; how much he had misread her; how like a doll he had treated her. His whole heart smote him with self-scorn, with pity, with remorse.
'This is the kind of thing I can always do, she said to herself one day, throwing out her hands in self-scorn, as he left her on the loggia, where he had been taking coffee with herself and Lucy. And meanwhile what attracted her was not in the least the controversialist and the man of letters it was the priest, the Christian, the ascetic.
What wretchedness can exceed that of remembering from day to day that the race has been all run, and has been altogether lost; that the last chance has gone, and has gone in vain; that the end has come, and with it disgrace, contempt, and self-scorn disgrace that never can be redeemed, contempt that never can be removed, and self-scorn that will eat into one's vitals for ever? Mr.
In the first terrible shock of fear which followed his discovery that the steamer had been run down, Fenton's body trembled with terror. He felt a wild and dizzy impulse to rush somewhere madly; but in a moment his will reasserted itself. He was intensely frightened, but he beat down his fear with the lash of self-scorn, as he would have whipped a hound that refused to do his bidding.
He thinks of the village lying wrapped in the peace of the August night, the lamp rays from shop-front or casement streaming out on to the green; he thinks of his child, of his dead mother feeling heavy and bitter within him all the time the message of separation and exile. But his mood was no longer one of mere dread, of helpless pain, of miserable self-scorn.
Why should you talk so? Can no one do anything? Why do you live so much alone? Is there no one you care about? He turned. What a vision! His artistic sense absorbed it in an instant the beautiful tremulous lip, the drawn white brow. For a moment he drank in the pity, the emotion of those eyes. Then a movement of such self-scorn as even he had never felt swept through him.
A mild comedy of flirtation!" The girl flushed hotly. "Deny it if you can that you didn't flirt, as you Americans call it, outrageously." An instant Betty Dalrymple bit her lip but she returned his gaze steadily enough. "The adjective is somewhat strong. Perhaps I might have done what you say, a little bit for which," with an accent of self-scorn, "I am sorry, as I have already told you."
Her disdainful thoughts about others were, on this occasion as almost always, merely a mode of expressing her self-scorn. As she was undressing she found in her party bag the dodger Hull had got for her from Victor Dorn. She, sitting at her dressing table, started to read it at once. But her attention soon wandered. "I'm not in the mood," she said. "To-morrow."
She was not looking at him, but out of the window, and there were tears in her voice. "Sho! Don't make too much of it. We'll let it go that I ain't all coyote, after all. But that don't entitle me to any reward of merit. Now, don't you cry, Miss Arlie. Don't you." She choked back the tears, and spoke in deep self-scorn. "No!
It is not what we have done which awakens our deepest self-scorn; it is the fact that we were this which made it possible for us to do it. To feel that he had been capable of the cruelty of abandoning his betrothed and of wounding his closest friend, merely from a groundless suspicion, was to Grant Herman a pain never to be wholly outlived.
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