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Updated: June 9, 2025
All this being arranged, he went to where Snarleyyow was busy gnawing wood with great pertinacity, and allowed him not only to smell, but to tear off the tail of the red-herring, under the door; and then gradually drew the herring along until he had brought it right under the hatch in the middle, which left it at the precise distance that the dog could snuff it but not reach it, which Snarleyyow now did, in preference to gnawing wood.
But he's only part of the concern; he has his wife on board, who is a red-herring sort of a lady, and very troublesome to boot. What makes her still more annoying is, that she has a piano on board, very much out of tune, on which she plays very much out of time.
He had just laid it between his paws, and was about to commence, when Smallbones, having left the yard-door open in his hurry, the dog was perceived by a dog bigger than he, who happened to pass that way, and who pounced upon Snarleyyow, trampling him over and over, and walked off with the red-herring, which he had better have left alone, as he was found dead the next morning.
That evening, before his departure, did the widow present her swain with the fatal herring; and the swain received it with as many marks of gratitude and respect, as some knight in ancient times would have shown when presented with some magical gift by his favouring genius. The red-herring itself was but a red-herring, but the charm consisted in the twopenny-worth of arsenic.
When you lay a trap, much depends upon the bait; Smallbones knew his enemy's partiality for savoury comestibles. He then brought out his bag, set up his supporters, fixed it close to the hatch, and put the red-herring inside of it. With the string in one hand, he lifted up the hatch with the other.
We'll see if your dog is to take possession of my bedroom again." "Mein Gott! yes," replied the corporal again. Do you understand, corporal?" "Mein Gott! yes, I understand what you say; but what is it that you are to prepare?" "What? why, a red-herring to be sure." "But how will a red-herring kill a body or a dog?" "Lord, corporal, how stupid you are; I'm to put arsenic in."
But we have to discuss the red-herring, not of the artful politician, anxious to dodge his hearers, but of the breakfast-table.
"Yes," replied his master, fixing his little grey eye sternly on him, "the red-herring." "It's gone, sir!" replied Smallbones, with alarm. "Gone! gone where?" "If you please, sir, I didn't a-think that you would have touched it after the dog had had it in his nasty mouth; and so, sir if you please, sir " "And so what?" said Vanslyperken, compressing his thin lips.
Smallbones took as good care as his master not to eat the herring, but put it in his pocket as a bonne bouche for Snarleyyow. Mr Vanslyperken, as they pulled on shore, thought that the lad smelt very strong of herring, and this satisfied him that he had eaten it; but to make more sure, he exclaimed, "Confound it, how you smell of red-herring!"
'O'Shea will do well enough, said the old man; 'he was not brought up to kid-leather boots and silk linings in his greatcoat. There's stuff in him, and if it comes to sleeping under a haystack or dining on a red-herring, he'll not rise up with rheumatism or heartburn. And what's better than all, he'll not think himself a hero because he mends his own boots or lights his own kitchen-fire.
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