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Updated: June 13, 2025
Hadds left simooltaniously with that corner of the buildin'. He didn't stop till he reached the Transcontinental Hotel. "Hadds worked at me to start a drug store with him. He'd saved some out of his wages, and he knew I had a fluctuatin' roll. He says, 'You're goin' bust some day, young man why don't you quit it? You come with me and we'll make a decent thing.
They made a grand march to the general goods counter, the Majoress still resemblin' a foreign queen. Arrived there, she took up a hairbrush, and with a motion the grandest I ever see in a human bein' she brought it down atop of Hadds' head. Whacko! Christmas, what a crack. "'Now, will you let my Willie alone? says she. "Hadds jumped up and down and rubbed his head.
"Why, we buck-jumped four foot in the air, sideways, edgeways and straight pitch-and-teeter; we mi-auwed, and scratched, and tore and rolled over, and kicked with our hind legs, and such yells was never heard in a human habitation before nor since. "It worked. The Mayoress stopped and leaned over the counter. "'Warm it up, Hadds! I whispers. 'We got her lookin'!
"'Well, what'll I do, Hadds? says I. "'Do? I don't care what you do, so long's you don't look so aggravatin' useless. D'yer think this specimen of an officer and gentleman appears to be what in blazes is he doin' now? "'Don't abuse the poor cuss, says I. 'He really couldn't help it. Then I had an inspiration. Several times in my life I've been afflicted that way.
Of course, Keno and me didn't know no more what to do than a photograft of the Wild Man of Borneo when there was a fain tin' woman in the question. As I said, I hadn't been married enough to learn, and the present line of Mrs. Scraggses was healthy, whatever other faults they might have. Hadds 'ud come over and tell us half of something, and then rush back to the Major, tearin' his hair.
"One night Sufferin' Ichabod! but that was a night. we were jerried to a standstill in one half-hour, or thirty minutes, by the clock. "Things was slack this evening nobody in the store but Hadds, Keno Jim and me, throwin' poker dice for cigars, when the door opens and here come Major Pumpey and his wife from the army post. We were not glad to see the Major.
'See here, says I, 'he took his dose through the nose. Why don't you give him the remedy the same way? Try a pinch of that Scotch snuff. "'Why, sure! says Hadds. He'd tried anythin' at that stage of the game.
"We lugged the Major and his wife to the back of the store. I made a piller for her out'n some rolls of wall-paper, but the Major had to get along as best he could. There he lay, his little round stummick stickin' in the air, breathin' like a wind-broken horse. "Keno Jim and me looked after the lady whilest Hadds pranced around the Major and cussed scientific cuss-words.
He slammed the glass down and walked out. 'Now you can look after your own women, says he, bitter. Them scientific cuss-words cut him to the heart. "I looked at the lady. The color was coming back to her face. Evidently she'd be around in a minute or two. Then Hadds fairly whoops at me: "'Come here! Come 'here! You're a nice pardner, you are, standin' there with your hands in your pockets!
If you don't think one bald-headed E. G. W. Scraggs and one red-headed Tommy Hadds put up a high-grade article of cat-fight I don't know how I'm goin' to prove to the contrary; but it was so.
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