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Updated: June 13, 2025
"'It's never come like this before! hollers the Major, and then he goes down backward for the final touch, carryin' away a kerosene lamp, and the same landin' in a barrel of varnish. "Well, sir, what with the stuff that was loose around there and the varnish, my coat tails was afire when I lugged the Major out to where Hadds was industriously savin' the Mayoress' life.
"'Tweren't long before nobody'd think of buyin' a faro layout or a deck of cards elsewhere than at our store, and as for perfumed soap and perfumery, why, I think our feller-citizens must have et the one and drunk the other, for we unloaded by the box and pailful. When we'd count the kitty nights, 'Didn't I tell you? Hadds would holler. 'Put your feet in my tracks and you'll wear diamonds!
"'Blast it, Hadds! says Keno, 'quit callin' the man names and let us know what to do for this woman. "'Give her a drink of whisky! yells Hadds. 'Come here, Zeke, and see what ails this beggar now! "If he hadn't called me off like that lots of things wouldn't happened. 'Look at him! says Hadds, and grinds his teeth. 'Forty dollars' worth of stuff smashed charge it, of course.
I never could get used to people pullin' guns on me. "So, then, there was a drug store goin' in no time. Both me and Hadds was happy as could be, and workin' like a pair of mules. When we had things fixed, and a sign 'Hadds & Scraggs' in gold letters four foot high, I felt I really was a prominent citizen.
I had told Hadds that the next time Pumpey said 'Charge it' I was goin' to take him at his word, then and there, and rush him along on his ear till I felt better. But, of course, now his wife was along I couldn't.
"'Please, ma'am! says he, 'please? Don't throw things around like that! Remember they cost money! We can't sell tooth-brushes after you've strewed the floor with 'em! I ask you please! Please! "'Villain! says she haughtily. 'How dast you put your evil hands on me? "'Hadds, says I, 'leggo the lady. We pass. Let us retire behind the prescription counter and bear up like men.
Jeeminnetticus! says Hadds, 'when he mixes coffin varnish for a man you'd think he was scramblin' eggs. Come on, Washy, he says, 'while you got the price. You'd like the business. "One night it happened Bitter Water Simpson was borne on the wings of evening to my place of business, and he calculated that the last two cards in the box would come out, queen first, trey next.
It didn't seem reasonable any female person could act that way till I see the Majoress. She had dignity enough for two maiden ladies at a niece's weddin' and a nigger head-waiter. The way she laid holt of Hadds' collar was impressive a great deal more than I'm able to tell you. Poor Hadds was faded. He looked like a pup caught with a chicken in his mouth.
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