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I never saw a man lose flesh so fast in my life. The audience said I was a pretty man to come chiselin my own townsmen in that way. I said, "Do not be angry, feller-citizens. I exhibited him simply as a work of art. I simply wished to show you that a man could grow fat without the aid of cod-liver oil." But they wouldn't listen to me.
"Yes, my feller-citizens and ladies of de other sex in general, I has principles, I'm proud to 'oon 'em, they 's perquisite to dese yer times, and ter all times.
A crowd gathered around in a moment: then the youth resumed: "Feller-citizens, all of you know how to play cards, no doubt. What is the penalty of cheating, out here in the Hills?" For a few seconds the room was wrapt in silence; then a chorus of voices gave answer, using a single word: "Death!" "Exactly," said Harris, calmly.
"'Tweren't long before nobody'd think of buyin' a faro layout or a deck of cards elsewhere than at our store, and as for perfumed soap and perfumery, why, I think our feller-citizens must have et the one and drunk the other, for we unloaded by the box and pailful. When we'd count the kitty nights, 'Didn't I tell you? Hadds would holler. 'Put your feet in my tracks and you'll wear diamonds!
On a raised platform, amidst his fireworks, stood Pettingill. He felt that the great hour of his life had come, and, in a firm, clear voice, he said: "The fust fireworks, feller-citizens, will be a rocket, which will go up in the air, bust, and assume the shape of a serpint."
At one o'clock the Hon. Hezekiah Elkins mounted a platform in the middle of the Square and delivered an oration, to which his "feller-citizens" didn't pay much attention, having all they could do to dodge the squibs that were set loose upon them by mischievous boys stationed on the surrounding housetops.
"Now, perhaps if I'd married some nice woman I might have had 1,000 steers of my own, and a chance to make rules and regulations for my feller-citizens and then again I might have took to gambling and drinking and raising blazes, and broke my poor wife's broom-handle with my hard head. So I reckon we'll let it slide as it is.
Imagine G. Washington and P. Henry in the character of seseshers! As well fancy John Bunyan and Dr. Watts in spangled tites, doin the trapeze in a one-horse circus! I tell you, feller-citizens, it would have bin ten dollars in Jeff Davis's pocket if he'd never bin born! Be shure and vote at leest once at all elecshuns. Buckle on yer armer and go to the Poles. See two it that your naber is there.
FELLER-CITIZENS AND FELLER-CITIZENESSES, I feel truly glad to see you here to-night, more especially those who have paid, although I am too polite to say how many are here who have not paid, but who take a base advantage of the good-nature of my friend and manager, Hingston, bothering him to give them free tickets, gratis, and also for nothing; and my former friend and manager, Rosenberg, assures me that the best way to prevent a person from enjoying any entertainment is to admit them without the equivalent spondulics.
"Then I advise you to be more careful," cautioned the Hon. Samuel sharply. "Feller-citizens," said Uncle Josh, "if he ain't a corporation lawyer who is this man? Where did he come from? I have been born and raised among you. You all know me do you know him? Whut's he a-doin' now?
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