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Updated: April 30, 2025
To-day, afther dhrinkin' a bottle of Gazooma, he will go home not on'y with th' strenth but th' desire to beat his wife. There is a dhrug store on ivry corner an' they're goin' to dhrive out th' saloons onless th' govermint will let us honest merchants put a little cocaine or chloral in our cough-drops an' advertise that it will cure spinal minigitis. An' it will, too, f'r awhile."
She was a good-natured Irish girl, and she entered the room singing: "'Now, Rory, be aisy, don't tase me no more, 'Tis the " "Och, murther! Murther! There's a man under the bed, an' he grabbed me by me shoe, oh! oh!" Down-stairs she ran, screaming all the way, declaring that there was a man up-stairs, and calling for some one brave enough to "dhrive him out."
Nobody dares invest money for fear he'd be robbed of his property, the same as the landlords was robbed, an' will be robbed, till the end of the chapther. 'Tis nothin' but robbery ye hear of, an' gettin' other people's property for nothin'. The Home Rule Bill would dhrive all the workin' men out of the counthry to England and America.
"Ye'll be busy when ye get Home Rule," says Mister Morley. "But that'll only last a week," says the cyar-man. "An' why so?" says the Irish Secretary, bein' curious an' lookin' round at the dhriver. "Och," says Pat; "'twill only take a week to dhrive thim to the boats." "Who d'ye mane, wid yer dhrivin' to the boats?" says owld Morley.
An' you damn po bocras dat allows yo'uselfs ter be make fools mit you'selfs fer broke down risterchrats ter dhrive kullud peeples frum dey homes deserfs efry one eff you' ter be kilt." George Howe's under jaw dropped. He stared at Schults in astonishment, for he did not expect to witness such a show of bravery on the part of this quiet German grocer.
What a pitiful cowardly rascal you are! Afraid o' your own shadow afther the 'sun goes down, except I'm at your elbow! Can't you dhrive all them palavers out o' your head? Didn't the sargint tell us, an' prove to us, the time we broke the guardhouse, an' took Frinch lave o' the ridgment for good, that the whole o' that, an' more along wid it, is all priestcraft?"
"It's an extraordinary pig, this, of yours." "It's no lie fwhor you, sir; she's as clane an' dacent a crathur, sir! Will I dhrive her up the aveny fwor you, sir? A good gintlewoman I'm sure, is the same misthriss! Will I dhrive her up fwor you, sir? Shadh amuck shadh dherin!"* *Behave yourself pig behave, I say! "No, no; I have no further time to lose; you may go forward."
Maggie me love, me darlint, me pride; ye know ivery word I spake. Yes, she does, Sorr. She ondhershtands both English an' Irish. I can dhrive her in both, but I have an owld woman o' me own that can only dhrive her in Irish. Home Rule will do no good at all. Twinty years I wint to England to harvest, an' eighteen iv it to the same masther an' on the same farm.
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