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Updated: May 25, 2025
He wanted to know the reason why Mr Riddell had become a Welcher; whether it was true that he had been turned out of the schoolhouse for being incompetent; and whether he had been kicked out of the captaincy as well. Mr Crossfield said he had been requested to reply. And first he must congratulate the hon. member on having succeeded in asking a question which any one could understand.
But he might as well have pleaded with a lamp-post. The Parrett's captain was inexorable. "No," said he; "if it was the last day of the term I'd do it. It would serve me right if I was kicked round the school for sticking there so long." Before the business began Crossfield rose and asked to be allowed to put a question.
"And suggest, mildly, that a nice, clever, amiable, high-principled Welcher like Tom Tucker would be acceptable," added Crossfield. "Look here," said Tucker, very red in the face, advancing towards his tormentor, "I've stood your impudence long enough, you cad, and I won't stand any more." "Sit down, then," replied Crossfield, cheerfully, "plenty of forms."
"All very well," said Tucker, of Welch's, "but it's a precious odd thing, all the same, that the captain is always picked out of the schoolhouse." "And it's a precious odd thing too," chimed in Crossfield, "that a head classic was never to be got out of Welch's for love or money!" This turned the laugh against the unlucky Tucker, who was notoriously a long way off being head classic.
As soon as silence was restored, Mr Porter wished to ask the captain of the eleven whether the team to play against Rockshire was yet settled. Mr Bloomfield. Not quite. Nine names are fixed Game, Tipper, Ashley, Wibberly, and myself from Parrett's house, and Fairbairn, Porter, Coates, and Crossfield from the schoolhouse. That's what everybody wants to know!
In reply, he understood Mr Riddell had been sent to Welch's in order to study the virtues of a fellow called Tucker, who was Mr Tucker, rising: Mr Chairman, I didn't put my question in order to be insulted by Crossfield or any one. Mr Crossfield. I apologise to the hon. gentleman. I will not insult him by supposing he has any virtues.
For a long time that night Riddell sat in his study and pondered over the doctor's offer, and looked at it in all its aspects, and counted up all the cost. Then like a wise man he took counsel of a Friend. Ah! you say, he talked it over with Fairbairn, or Porter, or the acute Crossfield or, perhaps, he wrote a letter to old Wyndham?
Their version of the proceedings was very little exaggerated, and, as Crossfield and several others who were present each entertained his own particular circle of friends with the same story, the whole affair became a joke against the luckless Game and Ashley. Even their own house did not spare them, and as for Bloomfield, he evinced his displeasure in a way which surprised the two heroes.
"No; please don't mention my name," said Bloomfield. "Wouldn't the best thing be to send Riddell back with a label, `Declined, with thanks, pinned on his coat-tail?" suggested Crossfield. "Yes; and add, `Try again, Paddy," said Coates, laughing. "And just mention no schoolhouse snobs are wanted," said Tucker.
Crossfield was the plague of the senior Welchers' lives! "I was much affected by the beautiful speech of the gentleman who has just sat down," he began. "It is always so sweet to hear conscious innocence asserting itself. "Then, I don't think Mr Ashley is very complimentary to Mr Bloomfield when he says the fault of all the mischief is that the captain is not an all-round man.
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