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Updated: June 12, 2025
The Y.M.C.A. had a huge tent and spread themselves in taking care of the soldiers. There were entertainments almost every night, moving pictures, and music. The food was awfully good and the beds comfortable, and that pretty nearly spells heaven to a man down from the front. Best of all, the bathing was fine, and it was possible to keep the cooties under control, more or less.
Cap, I thought I knowed somethin' about cooties, but I take it back I never knowed nothin' about them insecks till last night. Where they come from I dunno, but I'll tell the world they come, and if they wasn't half an inch long I'll eat 'em. They darn near dragged me off whole, and all the sleep I got ye could stick in a flea's eye. Lookit here." He extended an arm dotted with swollen red spots.
Now, it happened that I did not acquire any "cooties" while I was in the army, and of course in the lazaret we were kept clean, so this was my first close acquaintanceship with them. My time of exemption was over, though, for by night I had them a-plenty. I soon found out that insect powder was no good. I think it just made them sneeze, and annoyed them a little.
"Better go on sick call.... Say, Chris, I'm sick of this business.... Almost like you'd rather shoot yourself than keep on." "Ah guess you're gettin' the dolefuls, Andy. Look...let's go in swimmin'. There's a lake down the road." "I've got my soap in my pocket. We can wash a few cooties off." "Don't walk so goddam fast...Andy, you got more learnin' than I have.
The shirt hunt is the only effective way for the soldier to get rid of his bosom friends. The various dopes and patent preparations guaranteed as "good for cooties" are just that. They give 'em an appetite. Food is a burning issue in the lives of all of us. It is the main consideration with the soldier.
From that time on my friends the "cooties" were constantly with me. "Cooties," or body lice, are the bane of Tommy's existence. The aristocracy of the trenches very seldom call them "cooties," they speak of them as fleas. To an American, flea means a small insect armed with a bayonet, who is wont to jab it into you and then hop, skip, and jump to the next place to be attacked.
A month later my gang came roaring back from the peon camp. They had worked thirty days and had not got a cent. Slave-driver Legree had driven them out when they demanded a reckoning. They were lucky to escape with their lives, their cooties and their appetites. Instead of financing me, I had to finance them again.
But she remained silent herself, knowing that Major Marchand must have good reason for not wishing his rank known. "We got to watch this old ranch," continued the talkative sentinel, nodding toward the half-ruined dwelling. "Somebody thinks there's something besides cooties in it. Yep," as the major started and looked at him questioningly. "Spies. Those Dutchmen are mighty smart, they do say.
They described the most effective "scratching" methods for the elimination of "gray-backs," "red-stripes," "cooties," "crawlies" any name you like to give those hosts of insect enemies that infest every trench. Now, "going in" isn't so easy as it sounds. We don't advance in companies four deep. We don't have bands.
We then walked out into the next room and had a shower bath, and after that went into the third room at the other side of the oven, and waited until the framework was pushed through to us, when we took our clothes from the hooks and dressed. This was a sure cure for the "cooties," and for a few days, at least, we enjoyed perfect freedom from them.
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